Steiny's Corner

Stop, drop, and roll…or get a PR agent

2012-01-18T14:14:00.001-08:00

One of the growing problems I’ve seen over the years, whether it be a celebrity or a nobody, is that no-one thinks before they hit the “send” button. I’m guilty of it to! I sometimes tweet or post a comment without thinking, later it may require an apology or explanation.

This was the case a few weeks ago with Suze Orman. Suze launched her new debit card but when negative comments came through on twitter she responded poorly. After which she then apologized for calling people idiots. It was a sad day for Suze, too bad she didn’t have a handler or a PR agent on her Twitter account. Since many of us can’t afford a PR agent it serves as a good reminder to all of us “nobodies” using Facebook, Twitter, or any other social media outlet to do the following before any online post…STOP…DROP…and ROLL!

I know, I know…this was the lesson we all learned in fire safety 101 in 3^rd grade. But to be perfectly frank, this is the same lesson we need before getting into an ugly battle for all to see. In my own life, if I thought my tweet pushed the envelope or crossed a line, I would stop what I was doing and stare at the blinking cursor on the screen wondering how this might be interpreted. This gave me some time to not get caught up in the moment or trying to be Evel Knievel.

If you continue to hit the “send” button too fast and if stopping yourself doesn’t work, then drop what you’re doing. I’ve found that saving it on the screen, or going to another web page also helps prior to posting something you may regret. It once again allows your mind to focus on something else for a few minutes, allows you to relax, and then allows you to be rational. Doing this allows you to take an offensive position rather than a defensive position. When you’re defensive you become reactionary vs. offensively seeking opportunities to either progress your opinion or debunk a negative statement.

Lastly if you can’t stop yourself from hitting “send” and you can’t drop what you’re doing…roll away. Rolling, or walking, away gives you the upper hand in a situation. If you have nothing good to say, then don’t say it! In the film industry there’s a phrase “left on the cutting room floor” which means to say that certain scenes or pieces of the film were “left on the cutting room floor” because they weren’t good enough to make the cut. Next time leave your comments at the door…or the cutting room floor and walk or roll away.

Social media isn’t just a means of connecting with one another…it is our 24 hour permanent connect with the whole world where someone is always watching. The world monitors and records every message and tweet, and even though we wish there was a delete button…there simply isn’t. So if you can’t hire a PR agent before posting something…STOP, DROP and ROLL!

What was a tweet/post/msg you wished you wouldn’t have it send on?

Enter the Void

2011-09-27T17:03:00.000-07:00

Since my last blog post a lot and yet not much has happened. My life feels crazier, and I thought life was supposed to be less crazy! A misconceived notion though as I remember a 60+ year old professor telling me that each time he and his wife moved on to perceivable less stressful and lower responsibility, the reverse actually happened.

Which brings me to the title of this blog…enter the void. When God places a calling on your life, giving you direction, it is typically in contrast to everything in human nature. He’s great about providing you with the end destination…but the path, the hills and valleys, the twists and turns that are just around the bend are unclear.

Proceed with caution!

God doesn’t provide turn-by-turn directions with a checklist of needed skills and lessons or a packing list for the journey. Yet there it is…the end…the destination…enter the void.

Two analogies in the Bible clearly outline entering the void: the Israelites exodus from Egypt and Peter’s journey outside a boat. The Israelites were led out of a life of slavery to Mt. Sinai to worship God, before being led to the Promised Land. Enter the void. After departing for the journey that lay ahead of them, it didn’t take long before they started to desire they’re former life of slavery. They’re petitions and complaints were based upon two things: comfort and security the most basic of human needs.

Peter walked on water. It’s fascinating to think about. He got out of a fairly small boat and stepped onto this massive body of water. Enter the void. That took faith…who knows how many steps he took…but it didn’t take long for him to see the wind and become fearful and begin to sink. Fear was the culprit.

So why do I sometimes question God’s call on my life…what is it about comfort and security that are so appealing? I’m a creature of habit, and when you take out the bottom two tiers on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs the whole pyramid seems to crumble and fall. I’ve been emotional, insecure, and fearful. While it would seem as a Christian, faith should be enough…which it is…it doesn’t mean that I don’t long for safety and security to the point of questioning what I’m doing. The void for me has been a massive black hole of sorts filled with uncertainty and big looming questions.

Stepping out of my world to help plant a church has been crazy good for me and my faith. My exodus has taken all of the security and safety measures that I’ve worked so hard for and up heaved them. I keep asking why would I leave a good job? Why would I leave financial security? Why leave a place in which I’m well established? Because God said so…and I have to keep reminding myself that that statement alone should be enough. When asked to enter a void, we are leaving fullness behind and walking into emptiness...a void…a space that has yet to be filled. For which I’m sure, that this is exactly how God wants us…empty and naked needing our most basic of needs to be filled.

I’ve always liked 1 Corinthians 14, in which Paul writes that right now we know in part, and see in part…but soon we will know in full and see in full all the things that God is doing. This is what entering the void for me feels like; entering a room I’ve never been in with the lights off, stumbling, reaching, groping, proceeding with caution, uncertain, and relying on all of my senses to help navigate the room. I enter the void each day…reaching for some sort of security to grab a hold of…and there He is, waiting to take my hand and lead me through the void.

My New Life Story – Part 10 – Closing a book and starting another

2011-08-14T16:29:00.000-07:00

With New Life being in a summer series, titled “This is My Story” I felt inspired to tell my New Life story, as a reminder of God’s promises and a look back at some of my favorite memories over the past eight years. This is part ten in the series.

So over the past few months I’ve shared with you several stories about my time at New Life Church…they are a small sampling and some of my favorite and most important memories. I could have written several more…and maybe some of you have stories about me that you’d like to share, if you do, please do as I have a really bad memory!

Well, it is in this blog that I want to share with you what God has been doing in my life in 2011. God started a spiritual healing of my heart, and when I turned 30 I began to freak out not knowing what God was doing inside of me. David Perkins did such a great job of pastoring me through that time and challenged me to remain steady and succumb to the process.

I felt fresher and newer than I have in years past. So the weekend after Mother’s Day, I thought maybe it was time to leave New Life. This was the first time that I didn’t receive a spiritual challenge and that my spirit and flesh were in harmonious alignment. But I felt very confused and depressed by this. So when I came home from church that Sunday my mom asked me what was wrong and I said I think I’m going to quit. She responded that when she got home from church she had this immediate thought that I was going to leave, which was a very surprising and a needed confirmation.

So I prayed and asked God for one more confirmation from someone in spiritual authority over me. I informed David what I was thinking and gave God some time to move. Then Thursday, Aaron Stern came into my office, doing the Aaron Stern swagger walk, and he was able to provide the final confirmation. He was on his way to ask David for permission to ask me if I would be willing to be a part of his team being sent to go plant a church. However David wasn't in the office, so Aaron wasn't going to ask. We danced for 15 minutes, talking about random stuff then suddenly I felt a heavy pressure from the Holy Spirit to tell Aaron everything that happened that week, that this year would be my last Desperation and that I was looking for jobs up in Fort Collins because that's where I felt that God was leading me next.

It was a God moment for both of us. After I had finished telling him what God had been doing in me this year and that week, the first words out of his mouth were, "You don't say." Then he proceeded to tell me all that God had been doing in him and his intentions that day. I’ve really been happy and grateful for what God has done in me in 2011…not just in 2011 though, I’ve been grateful for all of my time at New Life. (Caleb Collins Nobody Told Me is such a great song chronicling the journey of a Christian and it really expresses how I feel). So it is with this last blog in the series that I inform everyone of my closing my story at New Life, and prepare for a new journey and to write a new “story”. I am so honored to be sent out by New Life as a part of Mill City Church's launch team!

My New Life Story – Part 9 – Great is thy Faithfulness

2011-07-30T09:00:00.000-07:00

What has God promised or spoken over you? One of my biggest problems is that I have long term memory loss. I can only see what God is doing for me right now. But one of my favorite scriptures is “He who begins a good work in you will see it through to completion.” My life is a track record of that, and I’m grateful for His grace and redemption in my life. So here’s a non-comprehensive list of God’s promises in my life that my mind can remember and some of which I’m sharing for the first time:

2006 – I would become the Conference Director for Desperation, but in a non-traditional manner and not in a way in which I could take any credit.

2006 – That I would get the door-opening job at New Life.

2009 – I was told in prayer that 2012 would be a year of transition for me.

2009 – That Fort Collins would be where my future would be and where I would end up.

2011 – That God wanted to show His faithfulness this year.

I feel like there are so much more to just those simple promises but with each of those promises came journeys, steps, lessons, and adventures. You see that in the Bible too…no one magically arrived at his or her destination. Each promise carried with it sacrifices and offerings, but while the destination was clear…God didn’t give people a Garmin to give them perfect directions (avoiding obstacles, traffic jams, and potholes). The journey is the biggest part of fulfilling God’s promise…and depending how much you want to fight it depends on how long you’re on that journey. What journey does God currently have you on? Can you track the fulfillment of His promises in your life?

My New Life Story – Part 8 – Desperation

2011-07-23T09:00:00.000-07:00

As I approach my fourth year at the helm of the Desperation Conference. I have such an overwhelming feeling of joy. I have a special memory from each year for which I’d like share and I hope you gain an inside glimpse into what my world has been like.

2008 – Counting on God

For my first year I had to put on two regional conferences (Michigan and Alabama) including the national conference in Colorado Springs. I’ll never forget Michigan as my first conference. I felt overwhelmed and underprepared. I remember having Starbucks with Dan and Dave in Kalamazoo and Dave had decided to fast for 40 days over the conferences. After about an hour’s worth of incoherent conversations with Dave, Dan and I finally convinced him to eat something. In Colorado, I’ll never forget the wall of lights that Robby and I dreamed up...but the real God moment came in Birmingham. Going into Birmingham, we had I believe something like 200 registrants and had no-idea what to expect. I was worried and concerned…but every time I began to panic I heard this little small voice say, “do you trust me.” (more on that phrase in a latter blog). That opening night we ended up with 2,000 registrants. Everyone congratulated me, but I said this was all God. That night in worship God told me that I had done the work on the previous two conferences to bring in the harvest, but that He was going to take the glory for himself in Birmingham…which He did indeed do.

2009 – Light up the World

I don’t know why but 2009 has been and always will be my favorite conference year. I can’t explain it, but it was something about the candles, the theme, the bulbs, the lamps on stage, or the VOW DVD. It was just a simple setup in which God came in and moved. It may have been the donations for which we were able to build 3 orphanages…or it might have been the worship leaders and speakers. I can never but my finger on it…but in any case it’s my favorite year.

2010 – Decade

Last year, was a real moving year, and is my second all time favorite. But I was moved to tears the opening night of July when I heard God say to me, “and all of these shall be counted unto you.” I said, God I don’t deserve the credit for these students, surely their parents, youth pastors, coaches, or leaders deserve some of the credit…but God repeated the statement and all I could say in response was that I’m not worthy, to which He responded, “But I am.” I wept feeling even more humbled by God’s love and faithfulness!

2011 - No Compromise

Coming into this year, was probably one of the hardest years for me as I started out tired, behind, and overwhelmed. But I crossed that finish line none the worse for the wear! I’m writing this blog in anticipation of God showing up and doing something big. He always does, and always does it in a way so that I can’t take any credit for myself…or if I do, I immediately turn it over to him. Which Conference has been your favorite Desperation Conference?

My New Life Story – Part 7 – Internships and discipleship

2011-07-16T09:00:00.000-07:00

So being a MILL intern for 3 years was very valuable and I wrote a blog about it a while back so if you want my thoughts on that…check that out. But when I joined Desperation, I came to see and really value internships and their potential to turn out disciples. Over the past five years, I have gained a deep love and understanding of how Desperation does internships.

Mind you, change has always been constant, and there have never been two consistent or comparable years for that matter. But no matter the year, I always counted it a joy to be part of the process. Some students would come in as utter messes…some would come in hiding their messes…and some didn’t have any messes at all. But I truly believe that all left for the better at least if they allowed themselves to be part of the discipleship process they left better.

But it was the discipleship process that was created through David’s visioneering and leadership that I came to love and value. I had never seen an effective discipleship process before coming to Desperation. If you listen closely you can hear mentions of discipleship whispered about in small Christian circles…but it’s like an allusive mysterious unicorn that people talk about…but no-one has ever seen. So I greatly valued and appreciated Desperation’s emphasis on God first, discipleship second, and everything else will come after that if you take care of those two things.

I remain friends with about 2-3 students from each class. Some are like brothers and sisters; some are like sons and daughters. I love them and care for each of them. But I’m always grateful for the chance to be part of their lives and impart any wisdom or any life lesson that I can give them, and that they value what I have to say, because half the time I don’t even understand the words that are coming out of my mouth. And like David told me on one occasion that my analogies make no sense!

I wish I could do a better job of explaining how much value I have for the Desperation discipleship program. It is just so well done and reflecting upon all of the fruit that has been produced, I am just amazed by and to have been a part of the process. Are you being discipled and discipling others?

My New Life Story – Part 6 – Back. Not Growing, Pains

2011-07-09T09:00:00.000-07:00

In the fall of 2007, after leading yet another missions trip, this time to Madagascar, I came home only to find that I had somehow herniated a disc in my lower back. I was on extensive pain medication and could basically only lie down (which was great because that was the fall in which the Rockies made it all the way to the World Series). I couldn’t get in for surgery for about two months because of lost files, my surgeon breaking his leg in a boating accident, and my exuberant patience with the health care system.

***Side note: It was also during this time that I met Pastor Brady Boyd at Fox Run Park for the very first time along with the rest of the staff. I was sweating bullets (literally because of the heat and the pain meds I was on). I walked up, doped out, and said something stupid to him like, “Hi my name is Justin Steinhart, I’m the interim-director of the WPC, I apologize, but I’m really high right now because of all of the pain medication I’m on. I also normally don’t walk around with a cane, but I have a herniated disc, which is also why I’m so high right now. Nice to meet you!” A few years later I asked him if he remembered our first meeting that day and he didn’t for which I was so grateful that he didn’t remember, because I was an absolute idiot!

So I finally received lower back surgery to remove the herniated disc, and there I was trying to once again find a new normal in my life. It was one of the most trying times in my life. One of the things that was extremely hard for me was people with good and Godly intentions wanting to pray for me. Which I allowed them to do as any Christian would do. I could see the look of disappointment in people’s eyes when after they had prayed for me the pain was still there. I never told anyone but the problem with it was that I had been sensing God say to me that I was not going to receive a miraculous healing and that I would have to endure the pain and live with this for the rest of my life.

Ever since then, and I would equate it to when Jacob wrestled with God. For the rest of Jacob’s life he would walk with a limp. I have the scare and the limp to prove it. It was a trying time of faith for me. I believe one of the reasons God chose to do it then was because I was taking over as the Conference Director for Desperation, and He wanted to make sure I would never get to big for my britches.

Ever since then God will often times stimulate that area just enough to cause me some pain and discomfort. He does it every time when I have relied too much on my physical skills and talents…instead of Him. When I think to highly of myself He does it to remind me that I am marked and chosen…and no matter how far I might stray from the pen, that I am His. When the pain comes on, I am reminded to return to God in prayer and usually the pain is instantaneously lifted. I have been comforted by the gentleness of His staff…but this was the first time that I was comforted by the rod. When has God used pain and suffering in your life to bring you back to Him?

My New Life Story – Part 5 – Not just 1 but 2 Golden Calf’s!

2011-07-02T09:00:00.000-07:00

As a part of my responsibilities as the self-appointed interim-director of the World Prayer Center, I was going to continue on a project that I had started in 2006. This job task was to return all of the artwork in the Prayer Center for which we were paying a hefty insurance premium for. At the time the prayer center housed about 12-16 different original artwork pieces, and I not only had to track down the artists, but make sure they got shipped out okay and in one piece.

As the WPC staff began to slowly take the artwork down, I started to hear several rumblings and complaints. Unfortunately for many people, the artwork had become a golden calf. I never understood the complaining and the personal hurt and violation that people expressed to me. In my eyes the prayer center had become a mausoleum for artwork. But for many, change, which by the way is only thing consistent in this life, removes peoples comfort and safety blankets. As humans we still have yet to become fully adaptable to change. I never took their complaints to heart. I was just mostly saddened by their lack of maturity.

Another giant golden calf in the World Prayer Center, was a gigantic spinning golf ball that was painted to look like the world. It came down a few years later, and I was extremely happy to see it go because it blocked one of the most picturesque views on the campus. Again the complainers took to arms over the injustice done by removing the globe. Yet again I bring attention to the golden calf.

The Israelites were blinded by their own fear, and thus created a golden calf to comfort them. Rather than looking up at this mountain on fire, they wanted something non-threatening right in front of them. The calf to them was something that wouldn’t shoot flames, smoke, or lightening. The calf was stagnant and peaceful it made them feel safe and in control. When we removed the globe, I could see this marvelous image of Pikes Peak. Anyone who has driven from the plains states to Colorado Springs can attest to the fact that the Pikes Peak mastiff is a testament to God being the Creator. It’s a spectacular image.

And yet here was this beautiful image of God’s creation, a mountain that God had made, formed, and dreamed up, hiding behind a man-made, man-painted, mechanical spinning golf ball. It was a golden calf that over time started to draw our attention away from the real testament and magnificence of our creator. When the globe came down, it was like opening the curtains for the very first time. I now find myself very much at peace every time I walk through the prayer center. What golden calves, i.e. something you worship, a habit, a ritual, or something that makes you feel safe or in control have you setup in your life to distract you from God’s majesty?

My New Life Story – Part 4 – Brother Stein

2011-06-25T08:03:00.000-07:00

If you have friends, then you have a nickname. If you don’t have friends, then you probably don’t have a nickname or a sense of humor. A nickname is something endearing…something fun…and often times something personal. When someone not that close to you calls you by a nickname, there’s that weird lack of intimacy feeling…but you would never correct him or her. You just show them courtesy and grace by letting them call you by one of your nicknames.

You may not like your nickname…but you love your friends so you really have no choice in the matter. I received two nicknames over the coarse of about a year while at New Life. The second one is less funny and rarely used, so I won’t talk about that one. I’ll just talk about how I received the nickname “Brotha Stein”.

As the self-appointed interim-director of the World Prayer Center, I was asked to attend and help at several funerals that took place there. On one such occasion, myself and Abby Gilbert were asked to help for a funeral of a high school student that had committed suicide. Because of his decision to do so, his family couldn’t have the funeral at their church. There was such grief in the room, and as I had lost my dad as a high school teenager, I was very moved by the families grief not only because of the boys decision but because the family couldn’t even have the funeral services at their church.

It was one of the toughest funerals I had attended because of the pain and hurt in the room. At the conclusion, the New Life pastor officiating the service said that if anyone needed prayer to come forward and receive prayer. He went on to say to the friends of the young boy that “Sister Gilbert and Brother Stein (insert pause)…were available to talk or pray with them if they needed it.” He started to say my name and got the stone part right…but forgot the heart part. When I retold the story to my friends in the student ministries department of what had transpired over the weekend…the name stuck.

I tell this story because nicknames are a right of passage in a workplace or social setting. They are a primitive way of accepting someone and vice versa for that person to feel accepted by their peers. Now, even though I received my nickname from a very awkward situation in which a pastor forgot the second half of my name at a funeral of all places; it nonetheless was my final right of passage to working at New Life. I was accepted and would come to cherish my new nickname “Brotha Stein.” Do you have a nickname story if so what is it?

My New Life Story – Part 3 – His Promise

2011-06-18T08:25:00.000-07:00

Going back to the first part in this series, I want to talk about what happened during my internship at theMILL. I had been serving there for about two years, when I found out that the Desperation Conference Director was leaving. When I found out he was leaving, I was sitting in my drab and grey cubicle and I said, “Lord I would really like that job, should I inform David of my interest?” Immediately I received a word back with the following promise, “You don’t need to say anything to David. You’ll get that job in the future, but it won’t look anything like a traditional hiring.”

I thought, okay, I can live with that. I tucked that promise in my back pocket and kept diligently serving at theMILL. I however told no-one of what I heard from the Lord. A few months later, a job at New Life Church became available for the administrative assistant to the Director of the World Prayer Center. I was still working at a foreclosure and bankruptcy law firm (I could write several blogs on my experiences and friendships there, but now isn’t the time) when I applied for the job. Sitting at my other drab and grey cubicle at the law firm, I said aloud, “Lord I don’t want to be here anymore.” Again another response, “Who says you have to be?” I laughed and suddenly felt a spiritual release to leave the law firm and I immediately typed up my two weeks notice and sent it to my supervisor.

I was leaving for a missions trip, that summer of 2006, and I was quitting my law firm job right before leaving for that trip. I had a mixture of emotions: nervousness, anxiousness, relief, safety, and full of faith like I was in His hands. I hadn’t heard anything back about the job at New Life Church, but I had God, so I just kept trucking on believing I was going to get that job. Then just prior to leaving for the missions trip, I got word back that I was selected for the job.

I was flabbergasted. Sometimes it’s easy for me to forget God’s faithfulness in our lives, and one of the reason’s why I’m writing this blog series this summer is to reflect upon God and his faithfulness. He keeps His word even though we can’t. It’s amazing how good He really is!

So I got the job at New Life…six months later tragedy struck. My future was uncertain, I thought it was the end of everything I had known…but God has the whole world in His hands. I made it through several reductions in forces, each time thinking I was next because I didn’t have the tenure and was young. I became the self-appointed interim-director of the WPC for a few months and led the WPC staff through those transitions. It was hard but well worth the experience and wisdom I gained during that time. It was as though God had setup a hedge of protection around me during that time, and I’m so grateful for that.

Then in the spring of 2007, David and Desperation moved over to the Prayer Center, and about a year after first being hired on at New Life, I was set to transition into the my new role as the Desperation Conference Director. This was the first time I had encountered God in such a fatherly way. It took about a year but God’s promise was fulfilled. I had to survive some very extenuating circumstances, at times I felt like I was either in the desert or walking through fire, I had to continue to be faithful even though uncertainty was everywhere, I was very anxious, and constantly worried about my future…but ultimately God stepped in and took all the glory. There’s no way I could have gotten this job without His divine intervention and eternal plan. What promise has God fulfilled in your life that you might have forgotten or let loose it’s luster?

My New Life Story – Part 2 – Worship & Tongues (or vice versa)

2011-06-11T09:00:00.000-07:00

As anyone can tell you, worship is one of the things that is sacred and distinguishable at New Life. Any worshiper can tell you that if you’re not worshipping God, you’re worshipping something else. When I came back to the Lord, I remember hearing the announcement to audition to be a part of the choir. I thought, “ I can sing…I need to get connected…I’ll try out.” So I decided to audition.

I thought I failed miserably at the audition…and when I got the confirmation that I was selected to join the choir I broke down in tears. I still can’t really explain my feelings or emotions at that time…but one of the best ways for me to describe it was that I felt redeemed. It was my first introduction to God as someone who is bigger than our failures or shortcomings.

I loved worshiping God with the choir…it was so much fun. The specials, the Thorn, the Holidays, no matter the day, I loved worshipping! One of the things that happened through my involvement with the choir was that I received my prayer language. I can remember it very vividly. But I remember that the activities center was setup with a keyboard and a mic. Ross Parsley got up there and said, "Tonight we aren’t going to rehearse….we aren’t going to sing…we’re going to worship God."

I have never been involved in such a deep and wide worship experience since then. We worshipped so hard, I think a lot of people were sweating, on the floor prostrate, or on their knees. It is and always will be one of my most favorite worship experiences at New Life. I had prayed on different occasions, “Lord baptize me with Your Spirit.” Nothing had happened up until then, and thus I said the prayer again that night…but didn’t know what I was in for.

At one point, the worship got to such peak where I couldn’t use my voice anymore…I felt like throwing up, I felt like I was burning up, and I didn’t know what was happening inside of me. Every time I tried to physically open my mouth to sing…I couldn’t. I was starting to freak out a little bit because I couldn't even talk! When I finally opened up my mouth after about twenty minutes of my stomach turning and churning out came something I had never heard before. I had received my prayer language!

After that I felt like something had been released and I felt like I could worship again and in a whole new way. It was an incredible God moment that I will never forget. What’s been your favorite worship moment at New Life?

My New Life Story – Part 1 – theMILL, Morocco, and Macaroni Grill

2011-06-04T19:44:00.000-07:00

I used to work at Macaroni Grill on N. Academy from 2001 to 2003. It was there that I met several people that changed my life (Aaron Linnebach, Jeremy Burch, and Maggie Turner). They all attended theMILL, the college and 20-somethings ministry of New Life Church and convinced me to go. I had been burned by my previous church and when I came to college, I became a Barna statistic. I questioned my faith, beliefs, and even God’s existence. But it was through the three of them that I gave church another chance.

I had come to theMILL a few times in the fall of 2003, and had heard that they were going on a mission’s trip to Morocco in 2004. I decided to signup to go for two reasons: 1) I thought it’d be a nice graduation present to myself and 2) I thought I would give God one last chance to prove himself on this trip. How I became infamously known at theMILL was not just through making a fool of myself for Joe’s video announcements, but at our first missions meeting, Aaron asked who and where is Justin Steinhart? I raised my hand, and Aaron went on to say that I had already reached the 50% deadline. I was overwhelmed by God’s faithfulness.

Little did I know that God was going to wreck me prior to the trip. I had a world religion class in college, which caused me to change my view and actually defend and believe in God (it’s interesting that sometimes when you don’t know what you believe to see what all the world has to offer you are forced to make a decision). Then, after that and through our missions trips meetings, theMILL, and Sunday morning at New Life, I came back to the Lord.

On the missions trip I started to really hear and focus in on God’s direction and calling for my life. At every juncture it was always the next step…and not a big giant road map with a final destination. God directs our every step, and he certainly did with me. I’ve just been following the road since then, can’t see necessarily what’s coming around the bend, but I can see each and every next step. After coming back to the Lord, one of my first steps was to join the choir (more on that in my next blog). On the mission trip to Morocco I received my second step…be an intern for theMILL.

I worked diligently for theMILL for 3 years, towards the end I worked at a law-firm getting up at 6 am and working till 3pm; then I’d to serve from 3-7; then I would go to class from 7-9. It was a lot of work and a lot of fun. As an intern, I also received my next step in my journey, which was to go back to school to get my master’s degree, which I received in 2008. I learned a lot and am so grateful for my time as an intern...which is why I greatly value an internship, apprenticeship, or discipleship program.

Hope (a poem or a bunch of random thoughts on the subject)

2011-02-26T11:42:00.000-08:00

Hope is a word.

It’s a four-letter word…not that kind of a four letter word…but a different kind of word.

It isn’t negative.

It isn't positive either.

Hope plants itself somewhere in the middle.

It is a borderland word.

It is a word that provokes thought.

It is a word of possibility…what is…what was…and what will be.

It must stretch and relax within the realm of tension.

Hope is a gift.

Hope causes patience, delayed gratification, bliss.

The soul rejoices when hope fills the heart.

Hope is based on a mentor’s experience.

Hope is a sunny day in a hammock.

Hope is a newborn baby.

Hope is like snow…magical, soft, silent, still, pure.

Hope is a pool of blood at the foot of a cross; hope is an empty grave.

Hope cannot exist in isolation.

Hope isolated dies…it must be around others that hope in order to survive.

Hope in community receives all it needs to survive: sunlight, water, and fertilizer (this is the stuff of magic; fertilizer is waste excrement but it is in this stinky nauseating disgusting steamy mess where hope is birthed and nurtured).

Hope has parents that go by names like: despair; desolate; destitute; fearful; empty.

Hope has offspring that go by names like: heaven; peace; joy; fullness; love; miraculous.

Hope is a phoenix: it is mis-perceived/conceived expectations; it dies; then is rebirthed better and more beautiful than our imagination can imagine.

Hope isn’t idle, nor is it sprinting.
Hope is a sunset stroll under an umbrella of giant oak trees.

Hope cannot be found…yet when hope is found, it's an ah-hah moment.

Hope is progressive.

Hope moves forward no matter the weight of the burden.

No obstacle, no disaster, nothing can prevent hope.

We hope for change, for better times, for improvements, for hope.

But hope learned long ago to give us what we need…and not what we want.

A heart full of envy, pride, lust, envy, sloth, greed, and gluttony leaves no room for hope.

Hope finds room in an empty heart.

When we long for…when we pray without ceasing…when we persevere…we hope.

Why you like Glee! (or not)

2010-11-02T22:09:00.000-07:00

You might like Glee…or you might not…in any case I have a great theory as to why it’s very popular with the kids these days. It’s called escapism. When things look down, when there’s no hope, when it doesn’t look as though things will get better, the best entertainment is a little song & dance.

From around 1930 to 1950 Hollywood entered into what is now considered the Golden age of film. This time period saw some of the most ground breaking films. I could provide a lengthy lest of films…but I’m not. What I want to talk about is what happened prior to 1930. It’s been talked about a lot recently but what happened just over 81 years ago on October 29, 1929 was the Great Depression.

It was the Great Depression that launched America into great creativity, caused people to dream, and even though it came at a cost it was a great moment in American history. I’ve only seen 1.5 episodes of Glee, I thought it was great for what it was. Glee is a perfect example and correlation to what is happening in Hollywood today compared to what happened in Hollywood 80 years ago. A little song and dance mixed together.

When Hollywood starts to dream again, so do we. Sometimes a little escapism can be healthy…too much though can become addictive and stifle independent thought. Two years ago my favorite movies were dramas. They were thought provoking, demanded discussion, and wasn’t mindless entertainment. Now with so much doom and gloom, my favorite movies are the same mindless action and comedy movies that I steered away from.

It’s a healthy escapism, but escapism is a problem nonetheless. The problem with it is it gives us liberty to escape reality. One of the first problems is that too many people run from their problems rather than confronting them. Another problem is that they are seeking comfort from something that will never fulfill. One of the things I’ve been greatly thinking about, especially after we just had our Student Ministry retreat is how great retreats really are. They allow you the opportunity to escape but typically within boundaries. Those boundaries are so welcomed and needed though because you get to really meet with God.

It’s good to escape, but I think it’s good to evaluate your escape. Next time you find yourself in a little need for an escape ask yourself 1) why are you escaping, 2) what are you escaping from, 3) what are you escaping to and 4) why are you escaping to that and not something else. Glee’s probably okay…but I’m not necessarily looking to it as an escape or for content other than this blog...touche.

What Defines You - Part 2

2010-10-20T08:00:00.000-07:00

I’ve watched a few cable shows called, “Pickers” and “Hoarders” and I see these people who have crippled themselves by stuff. It’s horrible. People who can’t part with an empty box, a cartoon clipped from a newspaper, a unopened gift they purchased years ago but never gave, a rusty bicycle, rotten and mold ridden food, the list goes on.

They have ultimately decided to define themselves by these items. They seem stuck, either unable or unwilling to be able to let go. They seemed hopeless and content with the mess of their lives. Some had lost their children to the state. Some faced foreclosure on two houses because they couldn’t sell the one that was filled with stuff.

My heart grieved for them…I saw the mental anguish and pain over a simple piece of paper. Often times their past was one of the major determining factors as to why they were the way they were. Instead of the person overcoming and dominating events, situations, abuse, and bad relationships…they were haunted by the things of their past. Often times they saw themselves as normal, no-one had held up a mirror to them, and they couldn’t explain why they couldn’t part with an item…other than the fact that they felt as though they were throwing away a memory.

Which leads me to the question…what defines you? Is it your relationships? Is it in another? Is it in things? Is it in memories? What do people think of you…have you asked them?

I think a good litmus test is to ask someone, “If you could look me up in the dictionary, what would it say about me?” If they were a good and close friend they might tell you they’d find your picture next to ugly…you’d both share a good laugh and they would seriously tell you what the definition might be. I think we’d all be surprised as to some of the answers that we might get.

However if you don’t like the definition that someone gives you, it’s your job to change their perspective and the definition. Not all of us are like celebrities or corporations that can hire PR firms to handle our mess and junk…we must face the facts and while it may not be our problem, it is our responsibility.

What Defines You - Part 1

2010-10-15T08:00:00.000-07:00

Gap recently relaunched themselves with a new logo and in a few short days they changed their minds over the public dislike. Reinventing and rebranding are two terms that are plaguing society at large. If the brand is already in trouble, then a “re” anything won’t do it any good. Especially when it’s a bad one.

I used to do a lot of wood working in High School, and one of the hardest things about any piece of wood was the knots (those little dark circular areas in the wood). The knots were always resistant to sanding, primer and staining…they caused problems. You had to be careful where you cut the wood because you can’t cut very well through a knot. But they often times were the areas that defined the wood, what made it beautiful, what gave it character. The Gap had such a strong logo, such a strong identifiable marker that I can’t re-imagine it without it.

How this translates into real life is the fact that we must be making minor coarse corrections along the way; minor tweaks and adjustments are a good thing. And major adjustments aren’t horrible and can be good. But to “re” something in your life should be a warning sign that something else is wrong. Is this a last ditch effort to succeed? Is this covering up a larger issue? Are you running from something?

Like a magician a “re” anything is an effort to distract your attention from the real problem and redirect somewhere else. In life we go through events and circumstances that act like knots in our lives. They define and give us character. To “re” anything with the knots that define us, is to try and slap a new coat of paint on something to make it seem new. So next time you think you need to “reinvent”, “rebrand”, “relaunch”, “re____________” maybe we should ask ourselves first if the very thing we’re trying to change is the very thing that defines us.

Because when you try and cut through or remove a knot, you risk ruining the whole piece of wood. Which is probably what Gap decided too; they risked too much by redesigning the brand. And like all pieces of wood that need constant sanding, and oiling to maintain their characteristics…we too need to make minor course adjustments and maintenance.

The 3rd most wonderful time of the year!

2010-10-12T19:55:00.000-07:00

Out of everything in the year that I do, Christmas is my most favorite, followed by Desperation. But the 3rd most wonderful time of the year happens in October. Fall retreat comes once every year. It's either something you participate in or something you miss out and hear about for 11 more months until it happens again.

Fall retreat is like a picture worth a 1,000 words. You can't accurately or specifically pinpoint what happens...but something happens. You encounter God, when you expect to and sometimes when you don't expect to. He shows up in worship, in the Word, in building relationships, in community, and in nature. I've been to several fall retreats and they're never the same, each year something fresh and new happens.

There should be no choice or excuse as to why anyone can't go on fall retreat. It changes your life, no matter how many times you've been or if it's your first time going. Like Christmas and Desperation it only comes around once a year and you don't want to wait another 12 months for Fall Retreat when it's coming up in a few short weeks! To register now, click the following link: http://tinyurl.com/3azlvel

What I’ve been chewing on this summer Part 2

2010-08-25T15:44:00.001-07:00

I love making jokes, either at my own expense or at others (not to laugh necessarily at another but amongst friends that can laugh at themselves). Sometimes it’s a very thin line between sarcasm and cynicism. I’ve crossed that line on several occasions…well actually a lot…but I’ve realized that laughing and having a good time is one thing being sarcastic and cynical is another.

On few occasions, television can be genius and brilliant. One of those moments was last fall when another late night battle ensued. In the same fashion as the Letterman and Leno debacle of the 90’s, this one between Leno and O’Brien was even better. The jokes that were coming from Conan O’Brien’s team were gut-busting hilarious. I found myself laughing so hard that I was crying. But out of all the things that Conan could have said on his final show, he said the following:

“Please do not be cynical. I hate cynicism. For the record, it's my least favorite quality. It's doesn't lead anywhere. No one in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen.” – Conan O’Brien

Conan having been promised his dream job, having run it well and to his ability, only to loose it could have said whatever he wanted. He could have slammed NBC, could have said terrible things about Leno, could have done a distasteful and uncensored show…but he didn’t. He went out like a gentleman.

It’s great advice too, when bad things happen…and you find yourself being cynical or sarcastic. Remember that there is no profit, benefit, or relief from it. In fact instead of being what might seem like a release…there is a hardening of the heart. Cynicism and sarcasm tend to do that…they cause feuds, long lasting hard feelings, unforgiveness, and acompassionate responses.

We think joking in a sarcastic or cynical way is a great way to release the angst, but instead we take a shovel and dig ourselves into a deeper emotional hole. There is help though. My sister who teaches 3rd grade gave me the best advice this summer. She gave me the same advice that she gives her students, “Blow our your birthday candles.” When she told me that I didn’t get it at first…but then I got it. I needed to stop and take a deep breath; all is well; it’s not a big deal; get over it. My frustration turned to laughter…it was a great trick.

Laughter is a good way to release tension and can be done healthfully. It’s just such a thin line, that maybe it’s best to keep those negative jokes to ourselves. I’m going to check myself when I want to make a sarcastic and cynical comment because I don’t want to become that senile old man…I want to be fun, happy, and a joy to be around…not Debbie Downer.

What I’ve been chewing on this summer Part 1

2010-08-19T18:30:00.000-07:00

I read the following article several weeks ago http://tinyurl.com/2ahtl5m and for some reason I can’t stop thinking about it. It’s an article about Nichelle Nichols who played Lt. Uhura on the original Star Trek. After the first season of Star Trek she thought about quitting the show to go to Broadway and pursue her career there.

However, she had the opportunity of meeting Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. who was introduced as one of her biggest fans. Apparently, Star Trek was the only show that Dr. King would allow his children to watch because it portrayed the dream and future that Dr. King was fighting for. When Nichols mentioned to King that she was going to quit Star Trek and pursue a career on Broadway, King gave the following response:

"You are part of history, and it's your responsibility, even though it wasn't your career choice."

Are you happy with your job? Do you long for something more? Are you paid your worth? Do you look to the stars instead of your back yard? Do you feel destined for greater things? Do you feel appreciated?

I’m sure these were the questions that were going through Nichelle Nichols mind. They are the same thoughts that have gone through everyone’s minds…including my own. But what if you had met the great Dr. King and he had said to you what he said to Nichelle?

Sometimes it’s so easy to get caught up in thinking only about ourselves. It’s easy not to think about the lives we impact, the importance of our work, the relationships we maintain, and the fact that we are a part of history. I may have mentioned this before…but there is an old Jewish proverb that goes, “There is a long way that is short and a short way that is long.” In life there are always two choices…the easy road and the hard road.

Even though the road may be hard, we have someone who has walked a harder road. Daily He wants to let you know that you are a part of history and His story. He has a specific calling for you, and maybe it wasn’t your career choice…but it is your responsibility. You may have wanted something more glamorous or noteworthy…but this is your responsibility and you have a responsibility to that responsibility. To be a good steward of your time, gifts, talents; to do your job to the fullest of your abilities; to fight; and to take the hard road…the one less travelled.

Entitlement

2010-06-28T06:47:00.001-07:00

The title of this blog is "Entitlement." I loathe this word. I despise it more than anything I know. For me, entitlement represents everything that’s wrong with the world. It is an attitude of deserving something for nothing. Entitlement has a brother and sister too; they go by the names of socialism and victimization. I’ve watched numerous people try to take the high road instead of the low road by any one of these means and come out in more hurt or pain.

People who are entitled think that stardom and being famous is the best route to take to gain and get the most. But in the end when they aren’t getting the attention that they need and deserve, they come up empty handed. They don’t understand that serving is the very antithesis to entitlement and to victimization and socialism too.

Making yourself the victim in certain situations causes a cycle of pain. You begin to create a list of demands or perceived needs to make you feel good and better about yourself or maybe it’s even making others feel good about themselves! But when you check a demand or need off of your list, the only thing that happens is that you get hungry for more.

Socialism trying to create equality will never work because life is not fair. Not everyone can get a participation ribbon in life. Some will win and some will lose, some will lead, and some will follow. The very leaders of socialism are themselves an oxymoron. There is no equality that exists that I know of here on earth…even nature has dominance of species. So scratch equality off of your list along with being a victim.

After looking at entitlements brother and sister, I’m not sure where entitlement comes from. Maybe it’s from parents saying yes too often. Maybe it’s from narcissism. Maybe it’s from a need to constantly receive affection/attention. Maybe it’s from trying to make things fair all the time. Maybe it comes from the garden moment of trying to be like God. Maybe it’s from never having a job. In any case entitlement comes from a little small voice that says, “I deserve __________.” You fill in the blank. Entitlement says that I deserve something for nothing. When in fact the moment you think you deserve anything is the moment you don’t deserve anything.

David was anointed king as a shepherd even before he killed Goliath, and didn’t take his place as king until the current king died several years’ post David’s anointing. Jesus being both God and man didn’t pop out of the womb walking, talking, and making demands…it took 30 some years before he was welcomed as king, and his side profession was carpentry…is that the mark of a king? Moses, prince of Egypt, was an exile for years before returning to lead his people.

Are we entitled to anything? No. But rather we are chosen. Take the low ride to be elevated, serve as a leader, and don’t think you’ve ever arrived or deserve __________. So the next time someone tells you no and you begin to develop an entitlement mindset of deserving something. Think again…you may not be all that deserving of what you think you are entitled to.

What Every Intern Needs to Know

2010-06-06T09:18:00.001-07:00

I started a three year internship seven years ago this month. It has led me on a wild adventure that landed me the job I wanted for several years. But getting a job isn’t necessarily the end result of doing an internship. Sure dreams do come true…but sometimes they don’t. What the internship did was to prepare my heart for the last seven years of my life.

Throughout the three years, there seemed to be three things that I learned; one lesson every year of the internship. These life lessons hadn’t fully developed in me in either in the work place, school, or in social settings. But the internship seemed to somehow bring them out in ways that nothing else could and the internship molded me into who I am today.

In the first year, I learned to serve. I had waited tables for four years. I was a “server” but the biggest problem was that I didn’t know how to serve. While waiting tables I learned how to serve people and how to make them happy. It got to a point where I was so focused on making people happy that I was killing myself…this is not serving. In that first year, I learned to serve without expecting anything in return. I learned to freely give of myself. I had to run around sometimes like a chicken with its head cut off…I was that intern…serving a bigger and greater purpose…and expecting nothing in return.

In the second year, I learned to die unto myself. This may seem contrary to everything that we know, but that second year, for any intern, is always a struggle. It is a struggle financially, relationally, and spiritually. You begin to question everything, “Why am I here, why am I wasting my time, they aren’t recognizing me, nobody would know if I didn’t show up, they’re just using me, etc.” These are the questions and thoughts that went through my mind…and maybe yours as well.

The second year of any internship can drive some people away or make them crazy. It’s tough…I know that, I did that, went through that, and experienced it first hand. But it was also my favorite year because I stopped making everything about me. I learned to subdue the little monster inside of me that kept asking, “What’s in it for me?” Because I learned to ask, “what if nothing’s in it for me…does it matter?” Through the first lesson of learning to serve, came the second lesson of dying to myself…killing the pride, narcissism, and envy.

Lastly, after the first two lessons, I learned that my calling isn’t my own. I learned that my dreams and my hopes aren’t mine. They were given to me, planted in me, and originated someplace else. I stopped holding onto them tightly and I gave them back to the One who had given them to me. When I gave back what wasn’t mine, what I had wrongfully taken, I was able to freely live my life. But what was un-expected was to get those dreams back, and to have them gift wrapped!

So here’s what I want those of you reading this to get. 1) Internships are great! I learned a lot, I struggled a lot, I wrestled a lot, and I SERVED a lot! 2) There are life lessons out there that you’ll never get by just staying safe, or by sticking to the status quo. Take a leap of faith to be a part of something bigger than you. 3) At any time, you can quit. So the bigger question is, “why are you doing it…why are you serving…why are you killing yourself and not getting paid?” When you can answer those questions, with peace and purpose for your life, then you are ready to change the world.

Horse trainers, have several things they have to do to train a horse. They have to get them familiar with the bridle and the saddle, and then a rider. It takes hours and days and months to get them to a point where they no longer “run wild, buck, or flair their nostrils.” The internship did that for me; it broke me of things and misconceptions that would have ruined me for anyone else. Hopefully someday someone will say that you’re ready for the world and ready for work, by saying, “You’re no longer green broke.”

Faith

2010-05-31T13:55:00.000-07:00

I did Q and A in my theology class several weeks ago and one of the questions I got was, “Where does faith come from?” I told them to check out Jared Anderson’s album. But in all seriousness, there’s only been two theories, I like. The first was by Eugene Peterson who commented that our faith seems to come from the Abraham/Isaac experience. In that faith comes from sacrifice from testing…or testing leads to sacrifice leads to faith.

While I like that theory. The one that I seem to constantly find myself in is a Star Wars analogy. My favorite of the six-tology, and most critics would agree is the Empire Strikes Back. Luke tries to raise his X-wing fighter from the swamp and says he can’t because it’s too big. Then Yoda goes into a banter about judging him by his size and what he can or cannot do. Yoda then lifts the fighter out of the swamp, and Luke says, “I can’t believe it.” Yoda responds with, “That is why you fail.”

I’ve been miraculously healed and I’ve seen others miraculously healed. I’ve witnessed things that like Luke I simply say, “I can’t believe it.” Where does my faith come from? It comes from my doubt, my failure, and my frailty. Where reason and understanding ends; when I have no explanation for what has happened. My unbelief is overwhelmed with humility because in so many instances I have to admit my finiteness.

When reasoning fails, my faith kicks in. Faith for me comes from the need to trust in that which I cannot see; in that which I cannot hear. To admit defeat, that there is no amount of books that I can read. No amount of studying I can do. No amount of wisdom or knowledge can ever be enough. When I have those moments where I say, “I don’t believe it.” Unlike Yoda, God responds by saying, “I am.”

That’s where my faith comes from. He is big where we are small. He is good when we are bad. He is strong when we are weak. He is holy where we are unholy. He is “I am.” Those two words encapsulate so much of our theology. He was, He is, and He will always be. In an hour long drive I had, I just came to the point where I said, “…God, I just don’t have the words to communicate what I’m feeling.” In response I just felt His overwhelming love. When I am emptied he fills my cup so that it overflows.

This is our God. He is a God of peace, love, assurance, strength, justice, holiness, and nearness. He is my hope. I can’t do anything to create faith on my part. Paul writes in Romans 11:36 that, "from Him and to Him are all things and to Him be the glory." When I don’t believe it, He does...and ultimately He is where my faith comes from.

Forgiveness

2010-05-07T12:08:00.000-07:00

I find that whenever I need to repent and ask for forgiveness of something I’m typically challenged to forgive someone else for an offense that they have committed against me. This seems to be one of our true tests of faith…can we forgive others who’ve trespassed against us?

Immediately upon forgiveness…there just seems to be this challenge…something like a test, the throwing of a gauntlet, a slap on the face with a glove. When we freely receive our challenge is to freely give.

It’s a true test of being a Christian, not the only, but a really good one. When our sins are forgiven, washed away, forgotten…can we then pay it forward? Can we forgive others who’ve trespassed against us? What makes forgiveness so hard? It is definitely no easier nor harder than it was years ago. My theory on why forgiveness can be so challenging is because we live in a world of cause and effect, action and reaction.

We live in a world that demands some type of a response. When given the opportunity how quick are we to forgive? Do we hold grudges, unforgiveness, and anger? As a communications major years ago, one of the concepts we learned in interpersonal communication was that some people tend to save and stock up all of their bitterness and unforgiveness. It’s called the “gunnysack” principle.

The gunnysack principle goes by many names: baggage, luggage, or for some people a moving van! But the truth is that when we are forgiven our trespasses, we’ve got to unpack our grudges, wrestle with them, give them up, and forsake the bearing of our own cross. His burden is easy and his yoke is light!

When we take on the responsibility of being a Christian, we assume an almost carefree attitude that no-one can trespass against us. When all we have is a wallet or a clutch, then we don’t have a lot of room to keep track of offenses against us. I have a book sitting on my shelf that’s waiting to be read called “travelling light”…and maybe I don’t need to read it…but someday I know I’ll need another reminder that in heaven and earth, there’s no room for my luggage!

Was Judas too good for Good Friday?

2010-04-02T21:11:00.000-07:00

It’s such a good Friday that I wanted to talk about Judas! Yes that one. I hate to be a Debbie Downer, wanh wanh…but I believe that Judas deserves some mention today.

Judas is known as a thief and a betrayer. But some of his actions were more along the lines of a whistleblower seeking justice. In John 12, John’s commentary and explanation to Judas’ reaction is understandable. But what if instead of just being a thief, Judas was offended, loathing, jealous, and self-righteous towards Jesus? Often times we dislike people for being the exact opposite of everything we dislike about ourselves…maybe this was Judas’s problem.

Maybe Judas desired to do good…to be as good as Jesus. In Judas’s mind he surely had to justify his betrayal of Jesus in some way or another other than just a coin purse. Leading up to the Last Supper, I can only imagine the debate between good and evil being waged in his mind. In his eyes, his betrayal could have merely been an act of goodness…an act of justice in the form of retribution. How though could Judas bring justice to something already just…how could Judas ever really shine a light, on something already lit? Don’t we all find ourselves in these situations, just trying to do the right thing?

But the above question begs another question. What’s the root of our self-loathing, our offensiveness, our jealousy, or our self-righteousness? Why are we trying so hard to do the right thing? Most definitely I would have to respond with pride and arrogance. Haven’t we all tried to do the right thing? On several occasions, I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought I was right, and they were wrong. But like Judas, I got so caught up in being so right that I was dead wrong.

We focus on what we don’t understand. We focus on our hurt. We focus on ourselves. This in turn becomes a downward spiraling act. We grab a shovel and keep digging until we find ourselves buried by all of our junk, with no hope of every getting out. That’s where we find Judas, so far, so gone, so lost that all he could think about was himself. An inward focus only leads to self-righteousness, pride, and arrogance. Because when you only believe yourself, you’re always right and everyone else is always wrong.

Ultimately Judas was dead wrong, and no pun intended. This Easter season, I wanted to highlight the fact that it’s so easy for us to look down upon others…even religious institutions or organizations. It’s easy to have an inward focus, and to not have compassion and grace for others…even ourselves. Jesus died so that all would be forgiven their sins. The difference between Peter’s denial and Judas’s betrayal is that Peter sought repentance.

Friends, give to others the grace, compassion, and mercy that you yourselves seek. Approach everything with humility rather than pride and arrogance. Don’t be so right that you’re dead wrong. Assume the best in people…why else would Jesus have washed Judas feet right before the Last Supper! And this Easter be reminded that no sin or action is too great for Jesus to overcome…especially if he lives in us!

Glory to Glory

2010-03-17T08:27:00.000-07:00

For the past 48 hours, I have not been able to give this concept up. It’s been haunting me; challenging me; pushing me; nudging me. Likewise, I’ve been trying to avoid it; let it lie; push it to the side. But no matter what I do, I can’t stop contemplating about these three simple words.

As I was praying on Monday, I had asked that God would restore something or someone to their former glory. As I was doing so, I received a fairly strong response and reprimand for my prayer. First off the response I got was, “no.” Secondly, when I heard the response I tilted my head ever so slightly like a dog trying to figure out what was going on.

I had never heard a direct “no” ever when I was praying, so I felt quite stupefied. My response was, “…okay…so…what don’t I understand…what did I miss?” I forget that He answers prayers giving either a “yes” or “no”; there’s never a guaranteed “yes”. I’m not sure that I was prepared for the response that I got. It was rather humbling for me, not that I was embarrassed, but the revelation was just so powerful into the character of God, that I just felt very humbled, like a child learning to ride a bike…I didn’t realize I needed to keep peddling.

The answer I got went something like the following, “Justin, I’m not in the ‘restoring to former glory’ business. I’m in the ‘glory to glory’ business. Things will never be as they once were. New wine skins are required for new wine. I take things from glory to glory because that’s what I do. Look, I am making all things new. When you receive your resurrected body, it won’t be a body restored to its former glory, but a new creation, like so many things. I don't want the current church to return to infant stages of the New Testament church. When I come back, neither Eden nor Jerusalem will be restored, they will be made new.”

This statement is what has been haunting me over the past couple of days. The glory days, the days of old, may have been glorious at the time…but they are no longer are. Glory to Glory now has a totally new meaning for me. It’s a focus on the future, on things to come, on promises, on new things, glorious things. It’s not a focus on the things of old, a return to Egypt, deceivingly better days, or greener pastures.

What I learned 48 hours ago was that we must dutifully be progressively moving forward. No turning back, no restoration, no re-starts…only redemption, glory, and a finish line await.

Discipleship

2010-02-20T23:24:00.000-08:00

Discipleship. It’s a term that has been exponentially growing in appeal and practice over the past couple of years. One that I feel as though hasn’t been practiced as much or emphasized enough compared to some of the other disciplines like fasting, prayer or tithing. This at least is my observation…if I’m gravely mistaken please feel free to correct me.

As a teenager, I’ll admit that I was probably too prideful and arrogant to respond to anyone’s willingness to disciple me. It’s the problem with youthfulness. We have no concept of life or death; we think we will always be forever young, that we will live forever and that we’ll never have any responsibility or care in the world. Why would we ever need any counsel, when we have all the answers! Oh the naivety of youth...

My dad died my freshmen year of high school. And it wasn’t till after my dad died, that I really felt like I wanted to be discipled. There was an obvious void for which no-one would ever be able to fill. However, one of my friend’s dads started leading a Bible study that eventually gave him permission to disciple our circle of friends. He would go to most of the high school games whether his son was playing that sport or not and root for the team and all of us. I will always be grateful for the investment he made into our lives as it has had a lifelong impact on who I am today.

Obviously I’m writing this because I’ve been very intrigued by discipleship, especially as it pertains to leadership and my life. As I read the Bible and begin to reflect upon my life as a Christian trying to be Christ-like, I see failed discipleship efforts and ones of success. Such is the story of our lives. I don’t believe anyone ever lives a life of complete success, because without any bitter taste of failure we would never know the sweet taste of victory.

My failures often occurred in relationships where I was either forced into discipleship or arrogantly and foolishly thought that I could impart my wisdom and knowledge. My discipleship successes came when the relationship developed naturally over time, out of intentionality, often times with kindred spirits, and in some instances Spirit-led. As I’ve reflected on my successes and failures, I’ve had to ask myself, have I made a difference? Have I imparted the lessons that I’ve learned and the wisdom I’ve gained? Have I challenged those I’ve discipled to be better than themselves?

Unfortunately, or fortunately only time will tell. Time of course, like inches, feet, or meters is a form of measurement. I don’t think anyone would have thought that the very first “disciples” would have ever been ready enough to change the world. So many times Jesus had to rebuke or correct them…they couldn’t even stay awake to pray with Jesus before his crucifixion! Yet, they would go on to start and lead the church.

Only time will tell…this is the measurement of discipleship. Time will tell whether those we disciple will do something radical like go-on to change the world or return to their boats to go fishing. But we must be intentional about sharing our life lessons, counseling, and guiding those we disciple…challenging them to be better than themselves and us.

Adultery Transcends Marriage

2010-02-06T21:51:00.000-08:00

First off I’ve never been married. So I ultimately cannot comment on adultery in marriage. What I am about to say though does concern the concepts of adultery.

People commit adultery every day. They start out pouring their heart and soul into something they believe is worth dying for. Then one day…the honeymoon is over. They no longer love their first love. They start cheating, looking for something else to fulfill and feed themselves. Adultery, at its core is about one person becoming selfish in a relationship. It used to be about the other person…then suddenly a shift takes place and it becomes all about oneself aka narcissism.

For some it could be a higher paying job, new church, new friends, or a new sports team!

What happened to vows? What happens when the honeymoon is over? What happens to our first love? I think how we answer these questions determines our priorities, our character, and our loyalties. Some people have no scruples other than fame and fortune or to oneself. Since when did selfishness become an excuse for adultery? If we no longer accept that excuse for adultery in a marriage…why do we allow it as an excuse in other areas involving loyalty?

Adultery is a terrible thing. Cheating on your first love whether it be your spouse, your job, or your church will never be of any emotional, monetary, or psychological gain. Your first love is left to grieve the loss, pick up the pieces, and continue to move forward. Geese will choose one partner in their lifetime, if geese can do it then so can we. But we need to learn to not just be faithful in our marriages but in the workplace, church, and our friendships.

The kind of adultery that we commit outside of marriage is just as destructive. But we always find ways to justify our actions…you just have to look through the excuses to find the real selfish reasons. Remind yourself on a daily basis as to why you first fell in love. Put others before yourself and remind yourself on a daily basis that:

IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU...IT NEVER WAS AND IT WILL NEVER BE!

Why Church

2009-12-27T21:11:00.000-08:00

In November I asked a simple question about what people wanted me to blog about. One asked me to define the purpose/role of the church. However, it seems to be part of a bigger question that people constantly find themselves asking, “Why Church?” Two pastors at New Life Church have already done excellent series on church (Aaron Stern’s “I like Church” and Brady Boyd’s Sunday morning series on Church) so if you really want a better answer to that question than mine, I suggest both of those series. However, in my own little corner of cyberspace, I’ll try to answer the question from both a biblical and personal perspective. There has always been a church. In the Old Testament we see the church/temple as a physical representation of the culture of the people. It represented their law, code for living, worship, forgiveness, peace, history, future, atonement, and much more than I can list. Many of the things that happened at the Temple including culture and tradition made its way into the early New Testament church. However, after Christ’s ascension Peter and Paul led the first believers around a church that was about a gathering of the people, and not about a physical building. In essence the law, history, worship, theology, teaching, and atonement could take place outside of a temple. Christ entrusted His disciples and the people with everything that took place inside of a building. The early church gathered in homes, physical places, but church is all about the gathering of people and what transpired between…not a specific building. Likewise, Churches today should function in the same way. They should only be a building where believers can gather, worship, receive teaching and understanding of the scriptures, and receive help (counseling, guidance, discipleship, etc.) When Christ died, he changed all of the rules. The power of forgiveness was now in the hands of everyone, not just any priest or any sacrifice but Christ as our ultimate priest and sacrifice entrusted his power to us through the Holy Spirit. I’m just touching the surface here of some core Christian theology, and I could potentially write a 100 pages on the subject. So, why church? When I look at the church today, I see Christ’s bride bruised, beaten, and down…but not out. It’s not just outside influences that are to blame; we ourselves have damaged the church. One of the major failings of the church that I’ve observed over the last several years is the destructive integration of consumerism into church culture. For some reason, we thought more events and more para-church ministries would benefit the Kingdom. And all of these events and para-church ministries were started and continue to be maintained with the best intentions. I’m not saying that these things are bad. Most events and para-church ministries are inherently good, but I wonder if we’ve created a Wal-mart of Christianity where people can come and go and get whatever they need to feed themselves. We thought this was good, give the people what they want and let them have their cake and eat it to. Instead of being missional, intentional, and theological, we became driven to do more. Things though began to become more about a person or date rather than Jesus. Only within the past two years or so have we realized the damage we did and now I’ve seen more and more churches making an effort to rid this infection by becoming more missional, purposeful, and theological not only on Sundays but with the events and ministries that they focus on. The church I disliked the most in the city, the one on the hill, was the one I ended up working for. The one that on occasion moves me to tears in prayer and also when I see it every morning during my morning commute. I’ve grown to the love church in so many ways that I almost feel speechless to even answer this question because I know that I can’t do it justice. Church is where I found Jesus, found friends, found love, and where I found my life. So in a roundabout way, here’s why we need the church: 1) Because everybody needs a family. A family no matter the size loves, cares, grieves, rejoices, and celebrates with one another. It’s a living and breathing body. It’s about the whole family and not just one person…don’t think of church as ichurch or my church…but our church. People grieve when you aren’t there or leave for another church, I love seeing everyone I know at church, don’t you? 2) Because it’s not about you. When you realize that it’s not about you and your needs life somehow becomes easier. You start living your life for others, serving them and loving them. You bring meaning to your life and the church is one of the best places to give of yourself. Don’t be fed, feed others. 3) Because iron sharpens iron. Isolationism breads cults and we need one another to learn from and gain wisdom from. Every cult and/or poor piece of theology has come from isolationism. I want the older generations at the church because I want to be challenged. We all need theology and history lessons from the teachers, leaders and elders. I want to be discipled through the wisdom of someone that has lived a long life devoted to Christ, with the hope that I can do the same. 4) Because Christians are to be Christ like. Christ is king and yet came to serve and not to be served. Christ cared for and loved everyone: the poor, the sick, the widows, and the children. He didn’t pick and choose who and when he could love and care for people. He was missional and purposeful, and knew what He was talking about. Christ could have gone it alone, but instead chose community. 5) Because where two or more are gathered. When we gather together for one purpose and one mission, God comes and messes with us, does stuff in us, and challenges us. God loves unity, purpose and order…not randomness and disorder. We must gather to worship, meet with God, learn, and be challenged. I’m reminded of a quote by Christopher McCandless the young man whose life was the basis for the movie, “Into the Wild.” He wrote in a book that, “Happiness is only real when shared.” Likewise, life is only real when shared in community. Without church, we’d be lost, without purpose, without wisdom, and alone.

What is childlike faith?

2009-12-02T07:55:00.001-08:00

I’ve tried so hard to try and pin-point the answer to this question. It’s been really hard for me to answer, and a book I recently read provided really good insight, but I needed a concrete example and last night at Revival Town I got it. There have been children at Revival Town before, but tonight they were was just something special about the children there. They were un-ashamed, they were bold, and they exemplified childlike faith. You couldn’t tell from their faces that there was a recession, or that Obama was sending 30,000 more troops to Afghanistan. They were focused. From watching them here’s how I will finally be able to define Childlike faith: - It’s about taking a hand. Looking up to someone and trusting them, feeling safe, and certain that they will protect you. Little children have to hold a hand to feel safe, and when ever they take a hand for help…they look up. - Bold humility. When you have childlike faith you walk around in boldness, with no shame, no arrogance, and confidence. You don’t withhold anything, you give it your all and without a begrudging attitude. - Know nothing but learn everything. Childlike faith is understanding that you know nothing but can learn everything. It takes faith to be able to learn from others. - Trust to know and peace to know. Children have no other faith than the faith of trusting in others. It’s a faith to trust to know that all will be right with the world…if you just say so. As adults we learn to stand upon our own learning and understanding. We trust ourselves to know what will happen, we become predictably predictable. When we grow old we once again have to return to a place of trust…but it’s a peace to know that you never had control returning to a childlike faith. - Joy. Children rarely worry about anything. They’re typically easy to please, and even babies find joy and happiness in peek-a-boo. Rather they’re joyful and peaceful…they love and care. They don’t worry about tomorrow, they’re focused on the here and now, and in their focus they chose joy. - Emmanuel. God is with us. Even though we have little record of Christ’s upbringing, he was a child. A child that had to trust his mother and father to teach him, feed him, protect him, and parent him. After last night I can’t imagine Christ not being a fun, curious, adventurous, faith filled, and trusting child. The above was a picture taken at Revival Town. It’s worth a thousand words and it embodies childlike faith. It’s Revival Town…it’s New Life Church…it’s you…and it’s me. Sometimes we just need to release our control, reach out to take a hand, and look up to see where our help comes from, that’s childlike faith.

The problem with guilt.

2009-11-29T21:04:00.001-08:00

One of the lessons that I learned this year was that sometimes you can give 100%, do all the right things, make all the right decisions and yet fail. It was really hard for me to fail and fail hard. I’ve failed before, but not like this. There was a strong bitter taste in my mouth along with guilt that I had let others down as well. For several months I had a hard time forgiving myself. I kept re-evaluating every step, every decision and in the process I started to incapacitate myself from service. That seems to be the problem with guilt…it tends to chain us down, weigh us down, and keep us from living. I once lived a life ridden with guilt. I worried and cared about everything, there was no limit. After two years of working in the restaurant industry I had to figure out a way to live a life without guilt. I began to pose the question to myself, “who cares.” It was simple enough, but when I started to get anxious, worrisome, and stressed about whether I had said the right the thing, done the right thing, or offended someone I asked myself that question. Sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn’t but I began to prioritize my guilt. Those things I felt appropriately guilty about I would make an effort to rectify the situation. Those that I didn’t I let them slide. The problem was that my most recent experience with guilt was that I was the one digging myself into a hole. Every time I would evaluate, re-assess, or get down about it I would hear a little whisper say, “it’s not your fault.” My response was always, “but I was the one making the decisions…how can it not be my fault…I’m to blame.” It was hard for me to admit that my failure wasn’t my own. In fact, I still have a problem with admitting that it wasn’t my fault. But I think it’s because I’m struggling to still control the situation. To let my guilt of my failure consume me. Aren’t we all trying to keep some sense of order in our world? To control every person, situation, so that our world makes sense and isn’t messy. I know as minor closet case OCD that I’m always subconsciously trying to keep some type of order and control in every situation. Even when stuck in an elevator, as much as I tried to remain calm, I knew I had to get out of there. From this year, there was so much to celebrate, and so much learn…but the hindrance of guilt wouldn’t allow me the opportunity to do so. Each day of each week is a slow baby step of a process for me. I feel like I’m starting all over again, on my knees starting to crawl before I can walk again. It’s humbling, but I’ve learned a lot from this failure. I wish life was never about learning the same lessons over again, but maybe it’s learning the same lesson from a totally different angle. Maybe it’s like a math equation, when we had to learn that 5x3=15 and 3x5=15 are in fact the same thing but approached from two different angles. Anyway, that’s what I’d like to think. Guilt should not be a problem even though sometimes it is…take it out of the equation and live a life in freedom without those chains.

What a 3rd Grader reminded me about dreaming

2009-10-29T13:34:00.000-07:00

I was recently visiting my brother and his family out in California. He has three children, two girls and one boy. His son, my nephew, has a deep seeded un-earthly desire to play professional football. So much so that when he was in kindergarten he asked my brother and I if we had played in the Super Bowl! He’s now in 3rd grade and is as big as some of the 5th and 6th graders he plays with. With his shear physical size and natural ability, he is the son that many of my friends would dream of having. I love my brother and sister-in-law because they’ve done an excellent job of raising all of their children and especially helping them to pursue their dreams. This 3rd grader plays tackle football, and he loves it. Last year he played flag-football as the quarterback, but this year in tackle football he’s positioned as a wide-receiver. Watching him play, the joy in his heart, the love of the game (wanting to spend his Friday night watching a High School football game instead of TV), was something for me to take note of. I began to reflect on the last twenty years of my life, reviewing it for fun and dreaming and while I’ve been compared to Eeyore, I found myself wishing that I would have dreamt more and bigger. And I realized that it’s not too late either! So as we were sitting at the In-n-Out drive thru after his practice I took the opportunity to say, “If playing professional football is your dream, then never let go of it and don’t let anyone ever hold you back, keep you down, or tell you that you can’t.” Without missing a beat he asked me, “what was your dream?” I told him, “to be an architect.”

Perspective is everything though. While I always wanted to be a building architect, I now architect huge youth events. So maybe I’m not that bad of a dreamer…but I’m thoroughly grateful for his reminding me to dream, and to dream big! For all of us, it’s easy to get bogged down in the details, to become weighed down with reality, to give-up on dreaming. But there has never been a better time to start dreaming than right now! So what is your dream? Are you living the dream? If you would say no, then are you being diligent and purposeful on the journey to achieve your dream?

Fictitious living in reality

2009-10-17T19:18:00.000-07:00

"The essence of being human is that one does not seek perfection."- Joe Orton, 1950.

I watched “Surrogates” a few weeks back and the gears started turning in my head. Like most of the reviews I thought that the movie was neither good nor bad, it was so-so. But I was left to ponder the following question, are we really dissatisfied with ourselves that we would always chose to be younger, fitter, handsomer, taller, shorter, blonder, buffer, skinnier. Is that what living life is all about…some fictitious reality that we could choose to operate in. The premise of “Syndicates” is not that far off, plastic surgery is obviously what is available in today’s society…but what about in the future? Would we choose to live a fictitious life with no real consequences…all in the comfort of our own home with little to no interaction with even our family members? That is not a future that sounds desirable to me by any means. Why? We are imperfect beings living in an imperfect world. Yet perfection seems to be a disease and desire of all of us. Could it be that all of us have this inclining of desiring perfection because we were made to pursue it, to attain some level of wholeness? I think so. I think we desire to be perfect because we were originally designed to be perfect. However, that view of perfection varies as some see physical perfection as the highest, while others see intellectual perfection as higher, others see spiritual perfection as the highest, and still others see monitorial ascension as the ultimate benchmark. So what are you trying to perfect? Your body, your soul, your bank account, your mind, or your level in society. When I was in High School, I had the privilege of hearing a motivational speaker several times. He wasn’t like Chris Farley all though at times it would seem that someone had kept him in a basement drinking coffee for several hours. While I can’t remember his name, I can remember one of his messages which was this:

He had two dogs. One was a beautiful, picture perfect, purebred, Golden Labrador; the other dog was a short, funny looking mutt. The two couldn’t be farther apart from one another. The Labrador was trained to retrieve and he looked majestic doing so! The mutt had several issues, the least of which was walking! But the two together had no idea that the other was the perfection of breeding and that the other was complete and utter imperfection. Yet they were best friends, they loved each other, loved to play, eat, sleep and live together. There was no snobbery, no distinction, and no level ascertained, that separated them…they wouldn’t have known any better.

He used this story to convey the following point. We cannot walk down the street and say, “He’s got nice abs, I’ll take them.” “She’s got long straight hair, I’ll take that.” “He’s 6’ 3”, I’ll take that.” “She comes from a wealthy family, I’ll take that.” “He seems to have it all together, I’ll take that.” We can’t just pick and chose aspects from other people throw them into our pocket and come out looking like what we see as perfection. In doing so, we become a walking talking piece of fictitious reality, without any texture, scars, learning, or experience to show for it. In essence, in our pursuit of perfection we will have become the ultimate piece of fiction…without any truth.

I believe in our pursuit of perfection; but if we cannot learn to first love ourselves…scars, baldness, short, skinny, fat, curly hair, straight hair, tall, dark, light, rich, poor, smart…our imperfections…than how will we ever learn to love our neighbor, friend, co-worker, or spouse. What I’m not arguing for is narcissism…what I am arguing for is to realize and love ourselves for who we are, rather than who we are not. To look in the mirror and see the imperfections that lay on the outside and the inside and to see the perfection that is taking place. Realizing that perfection will never be ascertained through any method other than through a realistic view of our reality; living a non-fictitious life of reality.

Nothing is for free!

2009-10-02T19:17:00.000-07:00

There can be no life without death. No good deed goes unpunished. Two wrongs don’t make a right. And oh yeah, nothing is for free! Or is it? I was recently inspired by two businesses that I love (Maggiano’s and Chick-fil-a) to give something away for free. Maggiano’s gave away an iPhone a day in August, and the Chick-fil-a that I regularly visit in Colorado Springs is constantly giving away breakfasts and sandwiches for free. I was challenged by both of these companies to give something away for free, and to give away something that cost me something. So for two weeks in September I gave away our new Desperation Band CD, “Light up the World.” Here are the four things that I learned. The first big idea is that people love free things. While this isn’t rocket science; don’t we all love free things from the companies/organizations that we love? This weekend Taco Bell and Starbucks were giving away free stuff. In this economy it’s not like it’s hard to give away the things that people love! While there is some cost involved, giving away free stuff creates a wildfire. It’s not a media frenzy that anyone is really looking for, but for a viral spread of information via Facebook or Twitter. This isn’t easy, and it’s why you have to make the free promotion worthwhile. A free iPhone, a free lunch, a free CD, a free book, or whatever you give away for free make sure that it costs you something and is valued by your patrons. If so, they’ll do all of the work for you! Enron, AIG, and most of the major banks conjure up images of long-lasting customer loyalty…right!?! Wrong. Those companies foster feelings of anger, distrust, greed, and self-preservation. When you give something away for free you build relationships with your patrons. You create loyalty, excitement, and joy, and everyone needs a little something to lighten up their world these days, so give them something they love for free! A fire needs three things in order to maintain itself: spark, oxygen and fuel. Business’/organizations need three things in order to stay in business: product, client and buzz. Without one of those three things, an organization cannot survive. So what are you doing to maintain your business? Are you creating a fire, maintaining a fire, or letting the fire die? Rekindle the fire, develop and create a passion not only for your business but for your clientele. Love on them!

People will ultimately love you for loving on them. I was genuinely taken aback by the response that we received from giving away just fifteen CD’s. The gratitude that I received made me only want to give away more in the upcoming months as we approach our biggest events. I guess that’s what happens when you give away something that costs you something, gratis does what money and greed could not do for Enron and AIG. Nothing is for free, but something for free is better than nothing.

Change in Your Pocket

2009-09-19T21:20:00.001-07:00

I’m a Colorado native and have been a Bronco fan for as long as I can remember. I remember the two Super Bowls that the Broncos won while I was in High School. I remember where the parties were held, the food, the beverages, the people, and the fun and excitement. This year though I was devastated when Shanahan was fired…then Cutler wanted out. I didn’t know what to think or how to respond! I went through shock…bewilderment…denial…and then hatred. I knew that I didn’t like a young guy coming in from one of the most hated teams, I thought at his age, all he knows how to do is take a picture of Pat’s pretty boy Brady. I thought about switching teams and becoming a Chicago Bears fan, jokingly but with a hint of some seriousness. Today as I was driving on our way to dinner, I thought, “What am I doing? Why am I being so hard on the new coach?” As I began to probe my feelings toward McDaniels I realized why I was feeling the way I did. It was because as humans we have this inherit problem with change and more specifically change in leadership. But like the jingle of change in our pockets, or those red kettles you see every holiday season, change in real life and in leadership is always inevitable. The coins in your pocket provide the clinking that signals change is coming. For me two years ago around this time, I was laid up in bed on some serious medications trying to alleviate a herniated disc. It was around this time that I got to meet my new leader. I went with an open mind and went on so many paid medications that I was sweating bullets! But I had other things like surgery on my mind, so after the picnic I went home and rested. What transpired in the next year was an emotional rollercoaster. Leadership transition, fear of abandonment, layoffs, worry, survival tactics, depression, and the fear of the unknown described my thoughts and feelings during that time. I still pray that no organization has to experience everything that we went through as a church. Moral failure at the top leadership level, then a shooting, all still seems somewhat surreal to me, but all I can say is, “We will overcome.” I confess that I ashamedly, and as hard as I tried not to, judged my new leader. He talked different, dressed different, came from a different corporate culture, and surprise surprise…thought different too! I heard the clinking of change in my pocket and it was deafening. However, lots has changed. Brady led us through the night and into the morning. I had to remind myself that the only constant at New Life is change. In incalculable ways Brady Boyd was an answer to prayer. Early on, he was everything that I needed, but nothing that I wanted, but isn't that what change always is? Sometimes change is hard, but then you begin to realize how much of a blessing that change really is. Slowly as I began to warm up to the change that was happening all around me, all of a sudden my heart, view, and outlook on things started to change…if you will. I took off my judgmental glasses and realized how happy that I was. It took about a year for me to fully embrace the change in my pocket. But I realized, how much that change...changed me. I started to care about things that I never did and now I'm better for it. I’ve taken that change and instead of throwing it away, I’ve invested in it! I’m happy to say that I’m now an avid coin collector. But how did I start coin collecting? Five things: 1) I focused on the job that I had to do; 2) I did things that I loved and focused on the things that made me feel purposeful; 3) when I agreed, I agreed; when I disagreed, I kept my mouth shut; 4) when the opportunity arose, I provided as little commentary as possible and in place of commentary listened to what was being said; 5) relationships are a two way street and everyone has to give and take a little. Simple as picking up a coin off of the street!

So this Sunday, I think I’ll dust off my Broncos gear that has been sitting in my closet for nine months. I’ll remind myself that change may not necessarily be what I want…but everything that I need. I’ll remind myself how grateful I am for my new leader and the place that I work, a place where I live and love life! This Sunday, I’ll remind myself of my two loves, and be a fan of both!

21st Century Police

2009-09-06T17:50:00.000-07:00

Remember in the movie Back to the Future II when Doc Brown and Marty McFly travel to the future or Sylvester Stalone’s film Judge Dredd? Well both films have a similarity that I want to focus on. In both films, it seems as though flying cars will be inevitable and that justice will also be streamlined to the police for instant verdicts. Both movies highlight the fact that retribution is no longer bogged down by courts and jury’s, but is now swift and decisive. The two movies shed an important light on society’s burning desire for swift justice, and no matter how futuristic they may seem that swift justice is here today. Swift justice no longer lies in arbitrary hands but it has become much more personal. Justice now lies in your hands and the hands of beauty pageant judges, High School coaches, parents, teachers, scholarship committees, co-workers, and employers. When most people began to reside in cities rather than rural communities something was lost that is now being reclaimed…to be and do good. People would conform to societies rules often times out of fear, often times out of pressure, and often times because if they did not conform, they were banished. Around 1960, things began to change. The culture revolution was well under way. Social conformity was out and individual freedom was in. Fifty years later though, I believe that as a society we realized something was missing. We began to miss social conformity. Not the pressure, and not the fear, but the good that it did. Growing up on a farm, we would always put a puppy with an older mature dog to let the older dog do all of the training. The older dog would teach the puppy to conform to the same rules that it abided by and if the puppy didn’t, the mature dog would always get the puppy back in line. You see, when we’re young, we have no real sense of mortality and in some case morality. The puppy didn’t know any boundaries, no rules just that life had none. I hate to break the news to some of you but conformity is back! Whether people like it or not the pendulum is swinging in the other direction...how you might ask is this happening? It’s happening through social networking sites like Facebook and MySpace. With swift justice and power lying once again in the hands of the many; coaches, parents, teachers, committees, pageant officials are now able to monitor the actions of puppies in their care. Cameras are everyone, someone is always watching…and someone is always naïve enough to take a photo and post it online. There is no such thing as a secret…and nothing is ever private. We are public and social beings, the exact opposite of privacy.

Corn Queens are losing their crowns, athletes are receiving suspensions. I can’t even count how many stories I’ve heard over the years. When I ask what happened in most cases the response is, “there were some questionable photos posted on the internet.” It’s just that simple, once you have the evidence and the proof, swift justice is demanded. No longer can people turn a deaf ear and a blind eye to hearsay…when the truth is evident, there is no need for debate, no time for a jury. The consequences of thinking that our actions can be secret and private are dire to our success in life. We must live our lives as though someone is always watching because you know what? Someone always is.

My Bucket List

2009-08-17T20:16:00.000-07:00

Taking my mother to Hawaii will always be one of my favorite memories with her. It was something that she had always wanted to do and I was glad to be able to help her cross it off her list of things that she always wanted to do. But at twenty-eight years old, I thought about the fact that it’s been a while since I’ve sat down and really created a list of things that I want to do. One of the real reasons for my doing this is that it’s important to know yourself and to set goals based on that knowledge. Call it what you will, but a bucket list is really about goal setting so before I head into some of my goals, there’s a few fundamentals to remember. First thing is that goals should be attainable. Second is that you need to put some type of a timeframe for achieving these goals whether it’s the end of your life, or in five years. Lastly goals should be specific. So if you have never written down any goals in your life…it is a must. One of the only ways to make it through life is to have and continue to set goals for yourself. I cannot emphasize how crucial it is for you just to sit down and set some goals for yourself. So I’ll go ahead and publish my list of goals for you to see: FIVE YEARS: Pay off my Graduate degree Settle into my final career Attend an opera at the Sydney Opera House Go to a live taping of the Price is Right

Drive the entire Route 66 Loose 50 pounds TEN YEARS: Write a book Visit London Purchase a house

Go on a cruise Become a reverse tither Take dancing lessons Read 150 books LIFETIME: See the Great Pyramids Spend two weeks in Italy Visit St. Petersburg and Moscow Take an African Safari Visit all Seven continents (South Africa, Australia, and Antarctica needed) Make a million dollars Give a million dollars away Attend either the winter or the summer Olympics Buy back my first car, a 1970’s Ford Torino Eat Sushi in Tokyo Change the lives of 50 random people (un-measurable but I’ll dream) Pickup woodworking again

At first I thought that these were all pretty simple, and while I’m a simple man, I began to wonder if I was too selfish and narcissistic. But that’s okay these are all things that I want to do, so it is kind of about me! In any case, have you recently set some goals for yourself? If so, what are your short, mid, and long term goals? I’m curious to know!

Disappointment

2009-08-10T19:05:00.001-07:00

While on vacation, for which I had a great time, I was greatly saddened by the societal decline of humanity. I’m not talking about just Americans either; I was in a place mixed with Europeans, Asians, Australians, Americans, and South Americans. The decline that I’m talking about is one that I’ve been noticing and in this melting pot of an area, my observations were proving true. At the beginning of the trip while I was waiting to greet my family at the gate, as we took separate flights, I noticed a mother and daughter also awaiting the arrival of someone. They didn’t look as though they had come from another flight, but were somehow able to welcome a loved one at the gate (those of you that welcomed someone home pre-9/11 know what I’m talking about). I was surprised and figured that their husband and father must be in the military and returning home. I was right. If there was ever a Hallmark moment that was it. Watching the little girl run up to her daddy and through her arms around his neck, with her dad hanging onto her as though time froze is such a memorable image that I’ll never forget it. The mom was just balling and our family couldn’t help but stop to share the moment and my sister and I both teared up. What was really sad though, was that no-one else appreciated the moment. While he was blocking the gate exit, people were trying to squeeze around through any inch of space rather than allowing them to relish in the moment. They had no respect for the sacrifice that he and his family had made, time apart that they will never get back. All they could think about was themselves. I was disappointed. In a vacation spot like Hawaii where almost everything you see is a potential photo shoot, one would think that texting, personal gaming systems, and the like would be avoidable. The opposite was true, sometimes people never even looked around; they were too busy walking and texting. At the USS Arizona Memorial, people didn’t remove their hats, the disrespect didn’t end there. The memorial should have been a solemn place; instead teenage girls kept crowding in front of the elderly in wheelchairs that more than likely contributed to the war effort. Most at the memorial treated it more like a tourist attraction rather than a memorial. I was disappointed.

I haven’t lost hope in humanity, there are always shinning moments that give me hope. If I were to focus on all the negative things, which I have to fight not to do, I would have lost all hope a long time ago. But I do have hope! I hope that we will pass on respect, honor, and patience; some of the things that marked the greatest generation. I hope that there will be another great generation though, and that some of the more valuable and honorable human traits won’t be lost to convenience.

Racism

2009-07-27T14:07:00.001-07:00

Like a thermostat, racism has been on the rise this summer. Or at least the media has been reporting more incidents of it. It’s been brought to the forefront of our attention spans and seemed to with begin with the drama surrounding Sotomayor, then moved to the kids in New England that were banned from the pool, and now our President and the Ivy League professor. As a twenty-something, I don’t get it. Even though we briefly studied racism in America in high school and college, I don’t understand why it still exists today. I hate racism, slander, supremacy, or any word or action that puts someone else down. I love ethnicity because it’s fun, it challenges us, and it gives us perspective. If we were all alike, life wouldn’t be enjoyable. We need all 32 Baskin Robins flavors, because not everyone likes, vanilla, chocolate, or bubble gum! When I worked at Macaroni Grill, I had to take over tables from an African American on two occasions, because of the guest’s complaint to the manager. One of them even went home afterwards and sent an email to the corporate headquarters writing, “we do not come here to be served by ‘those kind of people.’” I was shocked! For a while she and I didn’t get along that well because of personality differences, even though she always had the most happiest and cheerful dispositions. On those two occasions though, I remember watching the happiness and the cheerfulness disappear from her disposition like the fading of a rainbow. I could tell that it wasn’t the first time and that it wouldn’t be the last. After those occasions, I made a conscious change and decision on my part to get along and befriend her. At times it was really a challenge for me; and not because of race, but whenever our personalities clashed, I had to remind myself what her face looked like when I had to take over her tables. That single reminder helped me understand that while we’ve all come a long way, we still have a far way to go, and we all have a part to play I was in a small little town in the bush of Madagascar and I walked into what I can only equate to being the general store. I stood there patiently in line to give them my order, even though the locals kept jumping ahead of me, and especially starring at me. It was quite the experience. After a while though, I just pushed my way forward and asked for a bar of soap in the native language. They gave it to me and hurriedly too! I later found out that they were all afraid of me! I couldn’t believe it…I was the only white guy in a room full of Africans; they outnumbered me by 10 to 1. It was such a weird experience to be on the receiving end of racism. But a lot of my ignorance on the subject was removed… I leave you with these two thoughts. The first is from Yoda, “Fear leads to Anger, Anger leads to Hate, Hate leads to Suffering.” The second is from 1 John 4:18, “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” I wonder how many of our actions whether they have the best of intentions or not are based in fear. Maybe Sotomayor lived in fear all of her life, maybe the pool supervisors acted in fear. This summer though doesn’t have to remain one burdened with racism, let’s operate in love and not let fear lead to suffering for anyone.

Glory to Glory

2009-07-19T18:36:00.000-07:00

(the above photo was taken by the Desperation Band Electric Guitarist Erick Todd)

What happened during my Facebook and Twitter sabbatical? Well two conferences, six days that I work 359 days for; that’s what! I went on my sabbatical on June 1st and didn’t have much of a problem; there were some withdrawals, but not a whole lot. After a month though, I had to give in. I realized that I did what I set out to do. Not necessarily as much as I would have liked, but nonetheless, I proved that I didn’t have an addiction. That was my only reason, which might be why you’re wondering why I called this blog, “Glory to Glory.” Well, here’s what really happened. This may be one of my most biographical posts, so please bear with me and I don’t really have a point, it’s more a journal entry. 2009 has been quiet possibly one of the hardest years for me. I’ve relied a lot on myself and my talents to get the job done. I’ve taken care of myself and neglected other areas, especially my spiritual aspect. I was suffocating myself, and then someone threw me a lifeline. I returned to my roots, repented, and grew. Realizing that I was in the desert, a not so bad place, and while I wasn’t responding how I needed to, I am now walking in humility, trust, reliance, brokenness, and openness. This was the first glory. My second glory came when I remembered God’s promises. There was the conference and a small little road trip that reminded me that His love never fails. While this is a continuation, of the first glory, I remembered that Israel’s time in the desert wasn’t without glory. My time in the desert has been hard, hot, and dry! It’s frizzled my hair too! But this desert hasn’t been without its lessons, reminders, and glories. For instance, when I returned in humility, I had prayed for God’s promises. One of them happened during the first conference. While I was praying I was reminded of all of God’s promises, a savior, a rainbow, a king, mercy, and grace; this was all several days before the conference. The second day of the conference a rainbow appeared over the church, I cried. Then to have a sense of completion. The conferences for me will probably be the closest thing that I have to experiencing pregnancy. It’s like giving birth and then going through post-pardon syndrome. I don’t know what to do with myself after conference; I’ve given my all only to see a star shooting across the sky. Trailblazing a way, then taking its place amongst the other stars.

Glory to Glory, for me this past month has challenged my faith. I keep wondering how much more I need to grow and learn. I know because of some decisions I made several years ago, that I’m a little behind, but I am fast learner and I’m doing my best. I hope the desert doesn’t last much longer, because while it is a place of learning, it’s a place that I don’t want to spend 40 years in, trying to learn the same lessons. So that’s what happened over my Facebook and Twitter sabbatical, I went from glory to glory…

Golf...a game for grown men

2009-07-06T17:53:00.000-07:00

When I was a child and a teenager, I loved golfing. But one of my side goals was to hurry through the course and get done as fast as possible. I remember intentionally hitting into people, trying to pass them and play on through. We were the annoying kids without any patience and with joy at others expense. At the summer peak, in-between school years, I would play 3-5 times a week, rushing on through. One of my favorite experiences though was when I got to golf with a 70 year old doctor, veteran, and retired professional football player. He had lived a full life and what I remember most about golfing with him was the joy, patience, and peace that he found in golfing. If I hadn’t seen the Legend of Bagger Vance, I could have sworn that the time we spent golfing that morning was nothing short of spiritual and magical. The dew seemed to linger on the grass, the sun danced through the leaves, and the breeze rose up to cool the hot sun on our necks. That morning I learned a lot about golf, the game of life. I can’t remember his name, and have no idea what he’s doing now, but I remember what he taught me. He didn’t have a lot of words to say, he just played the game, as he had done for so many years. He taught me on that magical day, that Golf is the game of life because life like golf is all about you and the decisions you make. You hit the ball, you have to play it where it lies, and you have the choice to throw a fit or take the bad with the good. You are the only one that can make the decisions on how you will respond. The grass, the wind, the cart paths, rivers, lakes, the sand traps, and the trees are all just objects that you have to accept as a part of your surroundings. You can’t change them, but they exist as an annoyance to the golfer. Sure you can try to avoid them, and in most cases you want to…but sometimes your ball might take a bad bounce or you take a bad swing and it hits a limb, kurplops in a lake, becomes a fried egg in a sand trap…or bounces down the cart path. All of these things easily frustrate a golfer, but without them would golf be any fun? Would life be any fun if it were a proverbial cake walk? What jogged my memory of that magical golf day with the old man was the five hours I spent golfing with my brother the other day. I realized that at twenty-eight years old, I have a new found appreciation for golf. I no longer desire to rush the game. I want to enjoy nature, the good hits, the bad ones, and most importantly the people I’m with. Golf truly is the game of life, because sometimes we can’t change the golf course that we’re on, we can only make minor changes and adjustments to get our life or our golf ball to the goal. The trick is to enjoy the ride, the joys and the disappointments from the beginning to the end. Taking time to breathe in the fresh air, letting the sun beat down on you, and having the patience to know that life like golf requires patience and joy.

Do you care about people?

2009-06-20T17:00:00.000-07:00

A passage from Liberty by Garrison Keillor, with my emphasis: “I asked my sister-in-law to bring potato salad for the picnic today and she shows up with two big tubs of mush she bought at a gas station on the way up,” said Cindy. “Can you believe that? It’s like I asked her to bring meatloaf and she brought dog-food. What’s the mystery about making potato salad? You don’t know how to boil potatoes? Or a few eggs? You can’t chop celery? I don’t get it. I told her, ‘Laurie, you forgot how to make potato salad?’ She said, ‘What’s wrong with this?’ So I told her, ‘If you care about people, you ought to serve them decent food not something made in a factory three months ago and loaded with preservatives,’ and she got all sniffy. She said, ‘well, if you don’t want us to come, just say so,’ I want her to come but don’t bring garbage, okay?” When I read this, my mind took me straight to thoughts about my mom. She grew up in Iowa, and I thought about this because her cooking is a direct reflection of how much she cares for people. My mom is the mom that when someone gets sick and she volunteers to bring a meal, when the family returns the dishes, they always say that hers was the best…and they’re not just saying that! The only proof that I have that’s she’s the best cook is everyone’s testimony and my muffin top. With my parents being from Iowa, we took many a family vacation there, and Keillor’s Lake Wobegon captures not only the small town that I grew up in, but also the heart of Iowa. Every evening we would either dine with my grandparents, or with other family members, but I’m reminded of the bountiful tables at every dinner. Every night was like Thanksgiving, and in America’s breadbasket there is never a shortage of food. If Keillor’s analysis is right, and I think it is…then Iowa folks really cared. Everything was home cooked and made with love. I’ve never seen anything happen faster than an Iowa potluck. It was like winning the lotto, and within 24 hours lives were changed and souls were saved! But as I began to think about my mom’s cooking as a labor of love for people. I began to ask myself what it was that I do as a labor of love for people to show them that I really cared. And as I searched hard and long…I had a really hard time thinking about anything of real value that I do for the people that I care about. I thought that my writing surely contributes to society and especially the people around me…not likely as I checked my statistics on Google. Then, I thought about my sense of humor, surely that’s been a gift to some people. I mean being sarcastic and breaking awkward moments is not an easy thing to do, so there’s no doubt in my mind…but unfortunately there is.

What have I done to show people that I care? Does quality time with others, acts of service, gifts, physical touch, or words of affirmation count? I seriously spent a lot of time thinking about how I show people I care…and the only truthful and honest answer is that I show people I care through me. How I care isn’t making potato salad, although someday I hope to make potato salad as good as my mothers, but it’s more about what I do in the moment. Do I walk slowly through a crowd, do I smile, do I stop and listen, do I care? I pray that I do, and that I never stop caring for people. Just don’t complain if I bring potato salad in a cardboard box.

Self-martyrdom

2009-06-13T16:24:00.000-07:00

We humans are so in love with ourselves that oftentimes, we will add the prequel phrase “manmade” to things like bridges, skyscrapers, roads, and old-world structures. Why the need, well it’s our inability to never stop promoting ourselves. Of recently I was reminded of a certain type of pure and absolute type of self-promotion…martyrdom. Muslims and Christians have had many martyrs, and nothing has caused either movement to be built more effectively than martyrdom. However, martyrdom comes at a cost, one’s very own life. I myself am a Christian, and understand the costs of martyrdom. The problem though that I’ve found is that there is never a shortage of living martyrs. You know the ones. They are the first to tell you how much they’ve given or sacrificed. I was once told by a Chinese restaurant chain manager during training that I should use “I statements” with the guests. These included but weren’t limited to saying things like, “I brought you another Coke,” or “I’ve brought you a clean plate” or “can I bring you more rice.” My philosophy as a server and in life has always been if I’m doing my job, then I don’t need to tell you that I’m doing so. My actions should speak louder than the words out of my mouth. Living martyrs have a grossly perverse understanding of what it means to serve. Possibly in part to some of the training that has been passed along from managers like the one I had, or possibly because of our growing infatuation with ourselves. Self-martyrdom is a disease that quickly spreads and kills any environment. Everyone starts to see themselves as crucial, un-expendable, and extremely important, they see themselves as living martyrs. Oh they are first tell you about the cross and the burden that they carry. Anything that they do above and beyond the call of duty is worn on their chest, and like a shiny new badge that they gave themselves. When the truth is the exact opposite, if they were crucial to the survival of an organization, they’d have the humility to not to be in a state of self-promotion. Service however is always at the bequest of the one they serve. To go above and beyond is merely fulfilling ones duty. I think of Mother Theresa…how much self-promoting did she do? Well, to my knowledge, absolutely none. She didn’t go to the media…the media came to her. She in turn used that opportunity not to promote herself, but to promote the cause. It’s sad to me that so many people are willing to constantly compete at being a “manmade” martyr. In fact in most cases those that continue down that self-destructing path will in some instances never excel in life. They’ll always feel used and a victim, rather than sacrificing and freely giving of themselves what has freely been given to them. Jesus never went around saying, “here I am…God…King of the Jews.” That’s preposterous and contrary to what Christians believe. So maybe it’s time we put down our OWN cross, stop being a living martyr, and serve at the bequest of the one we serve.

Missing Modesty

2009-05-31T21:26:00.001-07:00

Modesty. It’s a word that evokes thoughts of shrewdness, Victorian era thinking, and your grandma! Modesty has slowly been removed from society as we continue to peel back layers of words that cannot be said, things that cannot be done, and images that should not be seen. This is why many a live TV show will have a network sensor to beep or screen out any image or word deemed inappropriate. But when we remove modesty we expose ourselves to humility. I’m tired of seeing and hearing so many things that are just brought to our attention to “shock and awe” us. Does information and advertising really need to constantly grab our attention by revealing more or trying to shock us? I don’t think so. Sex is easy to sell…what’s hard to sell is an actual message or product. What I would like to see is advertising and marketing firms really using their talent to be creative, rather than using scantily clad bodies as a default. Modesty is something that is rare and under-appreciated in our society. In part, I believe that this may have to with our growing struggle with narcissism. We want attention, we want control, and rather than having anything good to say or do we resort to attention grabbing behavior. Many an adult has never learned to grow out of toddler-hood; they still think that kicking and screaming will get you anything you want. Only as adults they resort to other actions that either bring them money or attention. Some people seem to think that by using obscene language, revealing or no clothing, and crazy actions that they’re proving a point or having fun by making others laugh. But by not referencing modesty in our lives we are in fact no different than a toddler. I don’t know what it was, but in High School I seemed to always be the sane one. The voice of reason in a forest of immature psychobabble, I was always the one that said, “maybe we shouldn’t do that,” or, “what if we get caught.” I ruined many a good time because of my willingness to think about our actions. No murderer or vigilante has a plan for the day after. They get so caught up in themselves, their desires, their feelings, their needs, and their violence or revenge that they never think about the day after. I wonder if our lack of modesty is a direct reflection on our inability to think about the repercussions of our actions. The age old scientific law still holds true today…for every action there is an equal and often times opposing reaction. I recently looked up modesty in the dictionary and found that a part of the modesty definition is humility. Humility the word that says it all! Not being selfish, not being narcissistic, placing others before you, and always showing constraint and reserve. As we grow older, we obviously become more modest as we cast off childish ways and childish thinking (which is partially why so many people think that I’m actually older than what I am). What I am NOT saying is that you should not have any fun. I love having fun and especially at someone else’s expense! Fun though has boundaries. Public speaking 101 says that you need to know your audience and your setting; otherwise you might be the village idiot rather than a comedian. What I AM saying to you is, “When was the last time that you chose modesty?”

Work's Dichotomy

2009-05-16T18:13:00.000-07:00

I’ve recently had the most amazing revelation this past week. I realized that I could get more work done at work when I wasn’t working at home. To close a meeting at the end of the work day, I said I had to get home because I had a roast in the Crockpot; the jokes ultimately were on me. Being single, I don’t have a dog or a cat, a child, spouse, or fish to come home to, but today I did have a roast, and now it’s drier than the Sahara. My point in trying to close the meeting was that it was time to go; there was nothing else that we could do, that couldn’t be done tomorrow. Now, I’m not advocating procrastination, I’ve just learned that once the afternoon rolls in, my brain has usually been raked over the coals enough times to have no spark or flame left. Years ago when I was growing up and still today, I have to have at least an hour for myself to make the transition from work to home. For the past year, I wasn’t making that transition. I would shutdown my computer at work, only to turn it on a half hour later at home. Going through the same exact routine at 7pm as I did at 8am: first outlook, then explorer, and if I needed something else iTunes. At first, it was great, I would come in the next morning relaxed and feeling relieved at what I had accomplished the night before. After a short time though, I started to become a zombie. At night, I would stare at my computer trying to work, write, think, compute, or increase any productivity…in essence capitalizing on my singleness. The past two weeks though when I’ve come home, and tried to work, I keep denying myself the satisfaction. I don’t think that I reached burnout capacity. One of the things that I learned as a boy scout was that fire requires three elements, oxygen, fuel, and a spark. Remove any one of those legs, and the proverbial stool has nothing to stand on. By the time that I got home, I had nothing put the spark. I wanted to start that fire, and I tried so hard, but I didn’t have any oxygen or fuel. The spirit was willing, but the body was weak. I wasn’t taking care of myself, and ultimately I had discovered work’s dichotomy. Work is work at work. But work at home is not homework. I’ve now started coming home, and I’ve started working on building up my supply of oxygen and fuel, so that the fire can burn bright and strong when I start the day anew. There’s been a dramatic change in my productivity and alertness at work. It’s so weird to me that I can get more done in 8 hours than I can in 8 plus an additional 2 or 3 hours.

The bottom line is that less is more, and that more is not more. We were designed to work, but we are also designed to play and rest. Just like my fire analogy, play and rest are the oxygen and fuel to any fire. We may have the drive to work in excess, but without the play and rest, we render ourselves useless to work.

Just do it

2009-05-08T20:07:00.000-07:00

For anyone familiar with the popular phrase, knows that it rocketed Nike to, I believe the top shoe company of the 90’s. I love telling people to just do it, because sometimes so much thought goes into a decision that the actual production part of it is lost. While Nike would like you to think that it’s really easy and simple, just doing it can often times be very complicated. It’s tough making the right decisions, sometimes it’s easier to take a short-cut. I once heard a Jewish proverb that went something like this, “there is a short way that is long, and a long way that is short.” In our lives, I think we can all relate to circumstances, procedures, and decisions that we were thankful for and some that we wished we would have just done it right the first time. Just doing it sometimes means that we get so involved in the course of action that we forget the people that are a part of the equation. I admit that sometimes I have been greatly convicted of my focus on the task. In my line of work, though people always come first no matter what I do, or don’t do. For me, as an administrator, my daily battle is to be people focused, rather than just doing it. I can make decisions, in the best of circumstances and the worst of circumstances. It’s easy to let emotion take over and see people as objects, rather than individuals that have emotions and feelings. People should always come first, before just doing it. The impact that our decisions have on people should always be a reminder to us how important our actions can affect them. I was recently involved in a very tough evaluation and decision making process, it was painful. We were able to determine the course to take, but we all knew there was more at stake and ultimately realized that we could do more wrong than good by just doing it. On the other hand, doing it is extremely valuable because for many people they tend to get lost in the details, rather than doing. I’ve talked with so many people who want the short way that ultimately becomes long for them. I’ve looked into their eyes and seen the delusion, the look of being lost and uncertain, but they just can’t do it or anything else. They’re lost.

In writing this, I was reminded that doing anything requires two things. The first is to always consider everyone else that may be affected by whatever it is your doing. The second is to eventually just do something, not to get too caught up in the details. Eventually we all just have to just do it, but one of the universal laws is that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. We will one day give an account for everything that we just did and did not do, these are the repercussions of just doing it.

Birthing Pains

2009-04-20T19:36:00.000-07:00

I’ve been thinking about the struggles of the economy, and how for most people that equates to struggles in general. For instance struggles in the work place, in relationships, financial, and just about everything else in-between seems to be under some type of strain. What got me thinking about all of these struggles is that like birth there can be so much pain and frustration…and yet without that pain, there would be no joy. Likewise, it’s so easy to want to throw in the towel and give in, unfortunately once someone begins to give birth they can no longer move that train back up the hill, which is why there can be no joy without pain. There are so many times that I have wanted to give in and forfeit, letting someone or something get the best of me. However, had I given in, there never would have been any joy. I remember in High School when I was running for the VP of my class. My sophomore year, I lost by 3 votes; my junior year, I lost by 2 votes; and my senior year I lost by 1 vote. Even though Paul Harvey is deceased, I shall continue his legacy, “Here is the rest of the story…” I was the first junior ever to be elected to a student body position, and won by a large vote to become secretary followed in my senior year when I ran un-opposed for Student Body President. (I can’t believe that this was over ten years ago.) Right now is such a great time for America, and I have so much hope and faith that I hope you’ll catch some of it. Looking back on the last century, right after every recession and/or depression, America learned to grow, adapt, and prosper. No other nation, at least to my knowledge has shown so much resiliency. I hope that once again we will rise to the challenge and overcome this recession having learned a great lesson. My last blog and in writing this blog, I suddenly realized that true and insurmountable joy comes not from instant gratification but when there is some type of pain or loss involved in the process. By moving from one end of the spectrum of despair to the other side in pure joy, we learn just how much we have gained. When we have lost little and gained much, the gain doesn’t mean anything, but when we have lost much and gained a little, we greatly value what little has been gained. This is because we develop a grateful heart and attitude, living in surplus means no appreciation; living in despair only then to have a minor surplus means that every thing is a blessing.

Maybe thanksgiving should last a little more than one day a year, and in these tough times where pain and suffering seem to be everywhere, remember that pain may last the night, but joy comes in the morning.

The Scarlet Letter

2009-04-12T19:18:00.000-07:00

For me the most annoying classic that I had to read in High School was the Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne. I thought it was overly descriptive, boring, and for the most part an unmoving read. If there’s anything though that I remember it’s that the heroine, Hester Prynne, had to wear an “A” on all of her clothing. However, since she was a talented seamstress she made elaborate, gaudy, and grandiose A’s for all of her dresses. She had to wear the giant “A” because of the sin that she committed which was adultery. In reminiscing about Boy Scouts, with a fellow Eagle Scout he reminded me of the patches that we wore, in pride of and to commemorate achievement. Over the past week, I’ve had a lot of time to think about some of the things that I’ve been through in the past several years, and some of those things have become badges that I’m proud of and then there’s some that like the Scarlet Letter that I wish I could rip off or hide. I see these badges probably in the same ways that a burn victim would see their skin grafts and scars. They will always be there, and I can always try and cover them up, but not matter what I do I will never be able to remove them. So here’s how I’m going to handle them. Silence can be degenerative and gossip can be slander. Not talking about your badges or wounds with people is extremely unhealthy, which is why it is so important to process your loss and success with someone else. In most instances, friends and family can be an excellent outlet. What good is a joke, if not a win, or a loss without people to share it with? But the opposite is also true, too much sharing or talk is unhealthy and in most instances slanderous. People that find the necessity to constantly talk are like “punt” dogs, having a bigger bark than bite. I’ve never met someone, who feels the need to talk or comment about everything, that when confronted does not hide or cover-up their lies. Never forget and never brag. It was really hard for me to come to terms with my wounds that have begun to scar over. I was ultimately hoping that there would never be any residual evidence of the things that I have tried to forget. However if you believe like me that the truth will set you free, then learn to embrace whatever it is from your past, that you wish to hide. You can easily wear a turtle neck or a long sleeved shirt the rest of your life, but are you really being honest with yourself? As a side note though, embracing your past doesn’t mean that like a pig you wallow in your own filth. No-one likes an arrogant bragger, so don’t toot your own horn! Let others brag about your wins and badges. Overcome. I’ve had to overcome a lot in my life, and this is not a resume, so let me just say that if you have never overcome anything than you will never know what it feels like to win. Having an overcoming mindset means that your scars and badges are a part of who you are, but are not part of where you are. It’s easy to bathe in your successes and failures, but an overcomer never becomes comfortable...they move on and if need be they start at the beginning, at square one or in this case, the letter "A".

The Muhammad Ali Status Syndrome

2009-03-29T18:48:00.001-07:00

“Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee,” is not just a statement by the great Muhammad Ali about his boxing style, but it also applies to how we update our status’ on social networking sites. One of the things that has troubled me most about the generation following me, is some of their uncanny use of status updates. Updating one’s status has become the new online competition…we have added status updates to the list of houses, cars, clothes, gadgets or anything that we envy or compete over and it’s become somewhat of an annoyance. The biggest problem is that our desire to out do one another covers a much deeper form of passive aggressiveness. It’s our desire to seem important, launching ourselves to superstar status when we have the edge on others with our updates. Status updates have become a terrible terrible addiction for some. At this point I must tell you that I myself am an addict, or at least one in recovery. I went through a period of time where I was updating my status 3-5 times daily with mindless chatter. Like Centrum and their one-a-day vitamins, I’ve now had to limit myself to one update a day. Status addiction though is just the tip of the iceberg. The Muhammad Ali Status Syndrome extends to two other key areas. It’s a two part combo punch, “Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee.” The passive aggressiveness finds itself in the first part of float like a butterfly, where one pretends as though nothing is wrong. The updates are always forcibly struggled. Posting hearsay, confusion, and an essentially discombobulated mess is a direct reflection of a need for acceptance. It’s sad to see some people try so hard to get noticed. I have great compassion for these people because the desire to be accepted is so great; online social networks while providing a voice for people does not help solve any of their self-acceptance issues. The last part of this trifecta societal problem is sting like a bee. This is where a person suffering from Muhammad Ali Status Syndrome posts constant cries and pleases for attention by throwing-up their whole life on Facebook or Twitter and just like puke, it retains an acidic and putrid smell. The sting like a bee portion of the equation is the worst and not just because of the smell. It’s because there’s no sense of modesty, discretion, or un-selfishness. Stinging like a bee often goes by another name…narcissism. The sting of the bee focuses on being self-loathing, envious, insecure, and self-destructing…the ultimate crème de la crème of a bee’s sting. So what then is the solution? Some things are best kept quite. I totally believe that there is no such thing as a secret especially because of everything that I’ve been through. However, in our efforts to be connected through Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn, does anyone else find themselves lost in trying to stay connected rather than in authentic relationships? Sometimes I do…in fact I have friends on these sites that I don’t even know who they are! Over the past few months, I’ve realized how important my face-to-face relationships really are. I’ve become vulnerable, open, and honest, and realized that these are the people that I’m connected to. In fighting the Muhammad Ali Status Syndrome, I guess that I’ve just learned to sit this one out.

Brotherly Love

2009-02-28T19:26:00.000-08:00

I recently read an article in GQ by about the relationships that many of us have with our brothers. In all of the literature that I’ve read, I never read anything that had aptly surmised the relationship between two brothers...I laughed and cried. My brother and I fought many a holy war over Legos, Nerf, Nintendo, baseball cards, chores, hats, friends, and girls. I must confess that I won many of the battles and we’re not really sure who won the war. But since, history is written by the victors and since I’m the first to pen any version…sweet, oh sweet victory is mine! Besides the Cain and Able dichotomy that my brother and I faced, we also had the added bonus of being twins which multiplied any infraction that occurred. I didn’t realize till after my brother and I graduated High School that we were in constant competition, and I hated it. The earliest battle that I can remember is fighting downstairs in the basement and being yelled at by my mother to, “take it outside.” Of course we did and there was much wrestling until one of us finally pinned the other to the ground, that’s when the spitting, hair-pulling, purple-nurples, fish-hooks, rug-burns, and the “stuffing-of-the-grass” into the mouth, nose or ears took place. As we grew older and wiser, newer tactics of war became more eloquent and subversive. Knives, shovels, belts, Windex in the eyes, rubber band fights, wrestling mat tape, the use of his jeans for toilet paper, taking his hat off and throwing it out of a car or into the canal, turning to sneeze on him while he was driving…these were all in play (except for the face, our unwritten rule) until he finally out muscled me. Even though I had several victories on the battlefield, I can only really remember loosing three wars. The first was in elementary, our family was on our way to Denver to visit my sister, and I wouldn’t stop fighting/annoying him. Finally, my dad pulled the car over, gave me my suitcase and told me I was on my own. They drove away for what seemed like about thirty minutes, it was slightly raining and I had started walking towards a distant town. I wouldn’t quit or let down. I lost. The second battle I lost was in high school, this was a silent battle. As we entered High School, I grew tired of competing. After our freshman year, I made the conscientious choice to do whatever he wasn’t doing. I played golf while he played football; I did track while he did Baseball, our paths played out with little crisscross. This of course lasted for several years, and was like the Cold War between the USA and USSR. At any moment a red button could have been pushed to start the nuclear fallout, and I finally pushed it. Wars begin and end on the same note. The Berlin wall went up and came down to mark the beginning and end of the Cold War. Like the Berlin wall, our war began and ended with a rug-burn. That’s right, our Cold War ended with a rug-burn! Like a defeated USSR, I had to go to High School humiliated for weeks, because like Gorbachev I had a quarter sized mark of shame on my forehead. I retired after that point, but still kept my nuclear arsenal. Upon graduating high school, I never knew if my brother and I would really speak or hangout ever again. We both eventually met at Camp David to sign a peace treaty and have since come to terms with our love and adoration of one another. We now laugh about it, as we reflect upon our hatred, competitiveness and stupidity. But don’t think that even though the Berlin Wall came down, that every now and again someone doesn’t try something with the intent of getting away with it. After all, there’s still fight left within both of us…

Achilles Heal

2009-02-05T18:05:00.000-08:00

Achilles, a mythical Greek hero, was considered to be a god amongst mortals. Fast, strong, and handsome are words that come to mind when we think of him. Of course, the fact that Brad Pitt played Achilles in the movie Troy is no deterrent in our thinking that Achilles was someone that everyone wanted to be. Achilles flaw though, wasn’t a lack of armor; it was his and our in-ability to see him as a god and not as an equal. If I had fought alongside Achilles, I would have looked at his success and would have wanted to be him. Be his best friend, wear the same sandals…no less they were Italian leather, and do all of the same things that Achilles did. I would leach on to him and if I couldn’t permanently attach myself to him, I would do everything I could to get noticed. Creating opportunities to get noticed, secretly wishing and desiring that I would gain celebrity status in Achilles’ eyes through hard work or by devising ways to somehow “arrive” into his inner-circle of comrades. Unlike a Trojan fighter though I did not live centuries ago, but for several years, I struggled with some of these very same concepts. It’s the problem that many of us face in our own desire for fame and fortune. Instead of being who we were made to be, we try to be someone we’re not. Not all of us were meant be Achilles and not all of us can be Achilles. When we realize that we need to be who we are meant to be, is when we create an Achilles like mantra around ourselves. We aren’t dependant upon others for security and we’re not leaving adoring, fanatical or conversational opening comments on people’s Facebook pages. The Achilles heal for all of us is the fact that all leaders are imperfect. We can’t hang out with the right people, or get noticed by the right person, or wear the right Italian leather sandals…we’re a mess just as much as the next guy, leader, or Achilles. When we create an unhealthy and unrealistic perception of our leaders/heroes we are ultimately setting ourselves up for failure. We may avoid eye contact, stutter, or just be completely dumb founded in the presence of certain people. The truth though is that they put on their pants one leg at a time, just like the rest of us…they have flaws too. When we only see the perfect without the imperfect we ourselves are to blame because we set ourselves up for failure. When the truth comes out, we act in disbelief, “that can’t be true!” The truth hurts and the real truth is that our constant attainment for perfection can only come from the only perfect person, Christ. Whether we like it or not we are a complete mess, no-one is near perfection and no-one has it all together. Are we shocked by the famous having struggles when we ourselves struggle with the same things that the people we admire and adore struggle with!?! I’m no longer shocked or consumed with the failures of leaders or the famous. I’ve come to realize that just like me they all have imperfections and struggles. There is no attainment level and there is no feeling of, “I’ve finally arrived.” We all have Achilles’ heals…so what’s yours?

No Means...

2009-01-23T08:21:00.000-08:00

There was a time in my life, when there was nothing that I couldn’t do to refrain from saying, “yes.” I would make good on everything that was requested of me. So much so, that one time, I got up in the middle of the night to go help a manager do inventory. I was trying to please and help someone in their time of need. This occurrence was when I was a waiter and I tried so hard to please all of my guests that I would stress myself out. I finally had to hit rock bottom and the following is the lessons that I learned. My problem was that I became enslaved to saying “yes.” When I should have occasionally took the liberty and freedom to say “no.” My enslavement through no fault of her own came from my mother. It was a sin to tell someone, “no” especially in our own family. At 71 she continues to serve and volunteer at a food bank, but like me has gotten much better about saying “no.” I was recently reminded about some of these concepts in a recent book that I was reading. I realized that true freedom comes not in the ability to “yes” to something but to say “no.” Whether you’re struggling with an addiction or sin, true freedom is experienced when you can learn to say “no.” My addiction all of those years ago was wanting to please people and never being able to say “no” to them. It wasn’t until I finally did that I experienced freedom in it’s purest sense. Nobody likes a brown-noser. People pleasing can cross personal boundary lines in the workplace, where people can be taken advantage of. I’ve learned that in most instances, we are truly a victim of our own circumstances. This is why it’s so important to have boundaries and be able to say “no.” When you also don’t setup boundaries in the workplace you will become a victim of your own neglect and the circumstances if you don’t always give your all. If you cannot say “no” to people or to an addiction, I want to encourage you to try. The more that you’re able to say “no” the easier it becomes. You’ll gain control over any circumstance by exercising this freedom. Passivity is the reluctance to take control and say “no.” When has something great happened in response to someone saying, “yes?” What if the Bostonians had said, “yes” to increased taxes…get the point? Anyone can say yes to anything at anytime, but real freedom comes when we’re able to say “no.” No means freedom.

A Life Worthwhile...

2009-01-02T20:18:00.000-08:00

The above mentioned title is actually a quote by Albert Einstein. It was the turning point in a recent movie that I watched, “Ghost Town.” I walked away with this one big idea not only about my life, but concerning humanity as well, in that Albert was right, “Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile.” What Albert is trying to combat is choosing to live only for ourselves. When we only live for ourselves, we are like mice stuck in an exercise wheel. We keep moving, the wheel keeps spinning, but we get no where. Self-admittedly, I confess to you that I am very guilty of trying to stay up with the Jones’. Everyday I have to fight every single atomic molecule within me to not buy “stuff.” I desperately want an iphone and a high-def television, but I already have a cell phone that I love and a TV that works great. So why do I want to buy these things? Well, it’s like the bomb shelter of the 50’s…or the generators in 1999. We’re sometimes convinced through fear, survival, or necessity that we need more things to improve our way of living. Today it seems as though technology is being shoved down our throats, I’ve got gadgets and gizmos a plenty…I want more (name that tune!). But the problem is consumerism, which is why the current recession is so great for Americans. We need to learn what some of our parents and grandparents went through during and post the Great Depression. Sure it’s really depressing right now (that’s why it was called the Depression), but every great leader that I’ve talked to or worked with has always said that they learn more from failure than any success. It was time that consumers, creditors, lenders, bankers, and businesses all got a slap in the face. Things might get worse, but if they do they’ll only get better. We all needed a wake-up, and this one really hurts. For me, the American Dream will never die, it is times like these that will make us better, more efficient and greater, not make us second rate to China, U.K., France or Russia. Before anyone in particular posts a comment about this statement let me also just say that as an American, there is nothing wrong with any other country. It just so happens like all other Americans, I’m just also narcissistic and prideful in addition to being a consumerist. So how do we really combat consumerism, narcissism, and pride? I have a good idea… We need to be charitable, self-less, and grateful. In reading this I challenge you to do a little cleaning in your closets to find clothes and shoes that you haven’t worn in at least a year. Do not talk yourself into keeping them with the simple notion that you might wear them. Saying that you might wear something is like saying maybe to an event that you’ve been invited to on Facebook. You know that you have no intention of attending; you just don’t want to admit the truth! Select one pair of shoes, I know I have a pair that I just don’t wear that I will be giving to http://www.soles4souls.org/ and take a load of clothes to Goodwill in these trying times we need to be human and charitable to one-another. Be thankful and rejoice in all things. Life is a blessing, don’t waste it on frivolous things, but enjoy it for all that is. When we play in creation, ponder life’s great mysteries, deliberate on what the artist meant by that color, we enjoy life. Life is never about “climbing the corporate ladder” or changing social classes. It is about the little idiosyncrasies, the ups and downs, the other people that are on the same journey, and the course adjustments along the way. But in all things be grateful and look for things to be grateful for, it will change your life to have Thanksgiving be everyday and not just one day a year!

Be self-less. For the health of my soul, I’m going to make every effort to do one random act of kindness every week. Maybe it’s just holding the door open, or helping someone carry something, but I’ve just noticed that when I give of myself, internally, I don’t feel as needy or self-focused. When I don’t have time to focus on the world that surrounds me, I am able to love others and to love life. Remember, “Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile.”

Looking for the Miraculous

2008-12-13T10:00:00.000-08:00

It’s been a little over a year ago since I started writing this blog. My first post was about the tragedy and despair that I experienced as a gunman terrorized our church. Whatever hope I had was stripped away that Christmas. A year later…I have hope. Not because we have a president that made his campaign on hope, but rather a hope that does not come from any man. This is the hope that I have come to wrap my arms around. For me, this year ushers in a year where all of my labor has started to bear fruit. I felt as though I stepped into the spotlight, and it was suddenly my opportunity to step up on the conductor’s podium and direct the orchestra. Sometimes I stumbled, like a child learning to walk, but most times I was walking if not running. Eight months into the year though, my conductorship and faith would be challenged. I was in hot-Bama, Birmingham to be specific, and this was our last Desperation Youth Conference that we were hosting in 2008. I was tired and after producing two other successful conferences I was exhausted and arrogant coming into the last conference. The road signs leading up to this last conference did not look good. Registration made this one the smallest conference of the three, and was financially going to be a burden and strain on us. Because registration was so low, I had written it off two weeks in advance. When we got there, I happened to be praying and was just praying in uncertainty…which meant that I didn’t know what to say. I’ve come to find that when we do all of the talking in any conversation, we never give the other person any airtime to speak. So I gave God plenty of room to talk because I had nothing to say. He had this to say to me, “You had your opportunity to shine at the other two events, but now it’s My turn to shine.” Shine He did. Registration sextupled! Lives were changed. I was humbled. I was humbled so much so, that in worship all I could do was sit there and watch. I was stupefied and had no answers other than God did a miracle. Everything seemed to be bleak and dark, and then all of a sudden Jesus came, as the Light of the World, to shine His light and brilliance. I felt so blessed and so undeserving. I was constantly asked, “Where was my faith!?!” I don’t know where it was other than the fact that I had come to rely upon my gifts and talents so much so, that I forgot about the One that had given me those gifts. The ultimate truth that I want to reiterate at Christmas time and in reviewing the year is that God is Emmanuel. He is always with us. This holiday season, I am reminded that in good times and bad, God is with us. It doesn’t mean that He’s with us politically or economically, or that He will give us whatever we want, but that He is with us like a family member, and more importantly as our savior.

When you see a miracle and witness one first hand, you’re left looking for the miraculous every where you go. I see a miracle when I look at the sunset. I see a miracle when I reflect upon my own life (I’m a miracle baby). I see a miracle when I look into a widow’s eyes. I see a miracle when I look at the Compassion child I sponsor. Every time I drive to work, I look at a church that should be demolished after two years of internal scandal and external persecution and I see miracle. The miraculous is all around us, you just have to look for them. Theologically I’m not sure that I can prove this, at least not yet, but the miraculous seem to go hand and hand with humility. After all, you don’t have to possess anything special to see the miraculous, just look for the star and the child that lay in a manager to see a miracle.

I'm curious what your miracles were this year? Leave a comment and share what has happened in your life this year!

My Favorite Things

2008-12-07T15:06:00.000-08:00

It seems as though everyone issues a favorite list at the end of the year, and I mean everyone. Oprah however, isn’t going to monopolize the market on favorites. So I’ve listed several of my favorites in no particular order, and while some may be in a category, others might be as random as a butterfly. Hey look… a butterfly! Movies – I’m a firm believer in Peter Travers being one of the best film critics of all time. So, my selections in no particular order reflect those movies that he and I both liked throughout the year. Wall-E – quite possibly the most touching movie of the year, Wall-E told the story of a robot. Sure as lame as it could sound, and as much as I tried to avoid it, Travers recommended it more than once. So when I had the chance to see it on a cross-country flight I did, and I enjoyed every moment of it. Batman the Dark Knight – I saw this one three times in the theatres, need I say more? No Country for Old Men – The desert was just desert until I saw Lawrence of Arabia, and Texas was just Texas until I saw No Country for Old Men, it shed a whole new light on Cowboy country. Books – Pontoon by Garrison Keillor was such a delightfully comedic look into the iconic Keillor town of Lake Wobegon. It covered grief, returning home, and life’s different twists and turns with wonderful comedic insight. Christ Plays in Ten Thousand Places by Eugene Peterson is raking me over the coals; I have never been challenged in my theology and faith as much as this book is challenging me. Peterson serves up such an amazing dish, that I just want to sit and savor every moment. Music – Noah and the Whale – just a fun and eclectic sound. Caleb Collins – both albums are just soothing to put on to relax the soul. Coldplay – amazing. Charlie Hall – you can hear the despair and joy. Willie Nelson and Wynton Marsalis – one of the greatest albums I have ever heard that truly rides the fence of country and blues…my ultimate favorite in this category. Websites – Stuff Christians Like – One of the funniest, ironic, and poignant looks in Christianity from an insider’s perspective. Amazon.com – worlds largest online retailer, and quite possibly the greatest. Clothes – Lucky Brand – famous for their jeans, this brand is my personal favorite, I just love the style and the fit of their t-shirts, track jackets, and jeans. Odd – Notebooks (the real ones) – there is just something warm and real about putting the pen to the paper. I can take notes on my computer, but it’s just not the same. Notebooks make life a little more personal. Cheap gas – I filled up for twenty bucks the other day, 1/3 of what I was paying four months ago…I think that this is everyone’s favorite! Television – 30 Rock – Tina Fey, Alec Baldwin, Tracy Morgan, and the rest of the cast make this one of the funniest shows on primetime since Seinfeld. The Fringe – an exciting new science fiction show by J.J. Abrams (Lost creator). Prison Break – No other show reinvents itself more than Prison Break. It’s captivating, adrenaline pumping, and so mesmerizing. Smallville – After last year’s season, I was disappointed to say the least. Season eight is bringing the show back to some of its greater origins: character and plot development.

Won't you be my neighbor?

2008-11-29T09:00:00.000-08:00

I went home for a few days over Thanksgiving to help my mom with some chores around the farm. One of those chores was to burn the compost pile as well as some different weeds. We were very careful, and we were close to finishing when we noticed that one of our farm buildings was on fire. We still can’t figure out how it happened, but without further speculation, it is now charred and ready for demolition. (I didn't have my camera, but the building in the picture is the hog house that burned down) Living in the city, and now going home to a small farming community is always a wonderful adventure for me. In a town where everyone knows who you are, for some reason that I cannot explain, I always try to remain as anonymous as possible by staying on the farm. I don’t think that it’s uncommon for those that leave their hometown to never want to return…or at least to forgo the formalities when they return. Catching people up on what you’re doing, where you are, and vice versa. It could be a finished book that they never wish to re-open; not necessarily good or bad, but just thinking about re-opening the book is unnecessary. Again we can speculate any number of possibilities. However, a burning building tends to draw a crowd. Next-door neighbors, and when I say next-door, I mean those that own land bordering our property or extremely close stopped by. They brought the weenies and the marshmallows, while we provided the fire. I saw people that I had not seen in years. Other than the shock of the fire, there were several emotions that I had. The first was humility, we had to call the local volunteer fire department and just to stand there and do nothing was quite humbling. I’m currently reading Christ Plays in Ten Thousand Places by Eugene Peterson and he is currently illustrating this very fact. We ourselves can do nothing to save ourselves, only God is in the salvation business, and he doesn’t allow anyone else to play that game. The second was this overwhelming sense of community. In thinking through the community that I have where I currently reside and the community where I grew up there are some subtle differences. The first is that I currently don’t know one of my neighbors, and I don’t know that they would even know who to call in case of an emergency, nor do I know if they would show up and offer help. Not only did our local neighbors stop by, but they stayed until the fire department packed up and even then, some of them called and stopped by the following day. However, my current community knows me on a much deeper and personal level even though they don’t live next door.

If I could, I would marry the two together. I would love for my community of friends to live next door to me, maybe not right next door as I would still love to have acres of farmland in-between us! But I would love for my old neighbors to know me and “get me” like my current community. In the wake of disaster, I realized just how much we will lose when we eventually sell our farm and move my mother. We’ll lose a community that I now realize the importance of and appreciate more than ever…they may not know everything about me, but they really don’t care. They love unconditionally. It’s a good lesson for all of us. I challenge all of you to reach out to your neighbors and build a community where maybe there isn’t one it might be at work, at home, or at your local Starbucks.

Leading like a monarchy or democracy

2008-11-22T16:00:00.000-08:00

I know from experience that as soon as we are in a position of leadership, we want to do right and change the world for the better. I’m not sure that I know of any leader that wakes up every morning and desires to ruin the world. Obama has even started making plans on every change that he intends on making as president. But as a word of advice to you as a leader and to all future leaders, make sure that you see yourself not as a monarch but as an elected official. Those that know their history know the difference, but sometimes we forget our history and always need that friendly reminder. Many have forgotten why America and France have such a close relationship. It’s been rocky at times, but we both still carry a mutual respect for one another. Both countries rose up to fight against tyrannical monarch rule. Why do we value democracy over monarchy? I think that one of the reasons why is because monarchies tend to become self-involved and narcissistic. They are so wrapped up in their own world and out of touch with those that they are responsible to lead. They become focused on themselves and because they see themselves as the ultimate authority, they tend to believe that they are honored, adored, and no matter what, always right. I love reading about everything that Prince Harry and Prince William are doing because they seem to prove me wrong. As opposed to monarchical rule, democracy on the other hand causes the leader to constantly question their decisions and to carefully consider and weigh each opportunity and more importantly to listen and trust those beneath them. Their leadership is not about them, but about those that have the power to remove them or keep them in their leadership position. This is why the first four years of an American president is so crucial. They have to produce results and be very careful and strategic about the decisions that they make. If they get re-elected for a second term they then feel a tremendous amount of freedom to do whatever they desire to or not to do, a somewhat monarchical rule. Would you elect your leader? In writing this blog, I thought about everyone that has had a position of authority over me and I carefully thought about each of them. Would I have elected all of them? In answer to that question, I would say yes. No matter the leader, I always learned something, whether good or bad, as well as something about myself. What I decided is that we aren’t perfect and because I know that no leader is my savior, no leader is perfect. I would ultimately vote for every leader that I’ve ever had, because we all make mistakes and leading isn’t necessarily always easy.

Don’t get me wrong, there were times when I couldn’t believe the immaturity or reaction to a situation from a leader in authority. Some have acted like royalty, humble servants, divas, wise judges, and everything else in between. In the end though, it was those that knew their role and that their leadership position was a privilege and not a right. Let us hope that we never find ourselves like the French monarch Marie Antoinette on the eve of the French Revolution with our head in a guillotine.

What causes you to be a victim?

2008-11-15T18:14:00.000-08:00

First off, let me say that I never watch the following show that I’m about to mention. I cancelled cable and now only have five channels, so it was the best and only show that was on. It was Dr. Phil, after you stop laughing, please read on…I think that Dr. Phil provides some great common sense to people that are stuck in different cycles. In the show, Dr. Phil asked a very important question, “What causes you to be a victim?” I was moved with compassion to see how Dr. Phil’s guests had suffered their whole lives because they remained victims. It captured my attention and caused me to think about the things that cause me to be and react like a victim. This is why I think that it’s important for everyone to evaluate how they are responding to things. More importantly do you find yourself in the same situations and feeling the same way? For everyone the answer to what is causing you to be a victim is very different. Some people become, act, or remain victims because of their own actions, or because of the actions of others. Our responses cause any number of reactions ranging from depression to anger. To be open and honest in this blog, when I asked myself this question, I answered, “I respond and act like a victim when I see preferential treatment and injustice.” In further thought I challenged myself to think about specific instances where I find myself being a victim. Responding like a victim may be initial but it should never be long lasting. To see the guests on Dr. Phil’s show, and in thinking about others I know I see how someone can get themselves into a downward spiral of continual victimization. This person may go from being the victimized to the victimizer. They cause themselves to be continuously be a victim by failing to recognize the circumstances that cause them to be a victim. What do we do though to stop being a victim and overcome our victimization? Well obviously recognizing that you’re being a victim is the first step. After that you must chose to either face the problems head on or take the proper steps to seek healing. When dogs get wounded, they will lick their wound, never allowing the wound to fully heal. These same dogs also don’t allow someone else to help them heal their wounds. We have the same tendency to be like dogs, we think we can take care of the wound by hiding it and not allowing someone to help us. In the next couple of weeks, I challenge you to ask those closest to you when you respond like a victim, or at least to spend some time thinking about what or who causes you to act like a victim and once you recognize it, overcome it. It’s not easy and may take some time, but you’ll be so much healthier and glad that you did.

The Right State of Mind

2008-11-04T21:30:00.000-08:00

This years election has caused quite a stir and ultimately shows that as a nation we’re still divided. One of the things that has been quite upsetting to me over the past couple months is talk about whether people deserve things or whether they should work for things. I think that it can even be simplified to the following: do I receive or do I give. When I think of someone that takes and takes and takes…I think of an infant. They cry as an expression to say that one of two things is wrong, they are either hungry…or they’ve sent the food out the other end. They are needy and while they can easily be comforted, that contentment only lasts for a while. The mother on the other hand gives and gives and gives. She self-sacrificially gives the baby food, a diaper change, or interaction in hopes that one day the baby will in turn be independent and become self-sacrificing. As grown adults though, when we start to develop an attitude of an infant and start demanding or expecting things of friends, coworkers, and our government it turns into a sticky situation. We start to believe that it is someone else’s duty to take care of the mess we’ve gotten ourselves into, in essence, to “change our diaper.” But as adults we don’t need any more rights given to us than the right of freedom. Freedom gives us the choice to be dependant and independent. Now some people because of either natural circumstances or poor decisions by others may have no choice in being dependant upon someone else. But the majority of us have a decision based upon the freedom that we have been given to do the right thing. The moment when someone decides for themselves that they deserve something, is the moment when the do not deserve anything. There is a right state of mind and a wrong one. The right state of mind is to thrust oneself wholeheartedly at something that they believe in fighting for, working on, or creating. The wrong state of mind is to lazily wait for someone else to do it or to start making unwarranted demands of someone else. Change doesn’t come from one man, woman, or child…but it comes in the form of hope and the desire to persevere, not from handouts. We’ve all encountered children that are spoiled that make demands of their parents well into adult-hood. We’ve also encountered those children that were taught to think and act for themselves. We have to start being accountable to ourselves and to others for our actions and decisions…otherwise we could end up with a stinky diaper and no-one to change it.

Listening…the Greatest but least used form of Communication

2008-10-26T18:45:00.000-07:00

Do you find yourself hating meetings? Are your relationships boring? Then the real question you need to ask yourself is…who is sucking all of the air out of the room? I’ve sat in on enough counseling sessions and enough meetings to stumble upon what sometimes is missing from our interactions with others. Listening is quite possibly the greatest but least used form of communication. What can happen is that sometimes, we can get so caught up in thinking that we have the best ideas or that we need to comment on everything that we fail to see either our role in the situation or we fail to acknowledge the expert in the room. A fool will either always try to dominate the conversation or cause the conversation run in circles. The wise however listen and most importantly aren’t afraid of the silence that might ensue a comment…waiting as it were for the answer or the truth to reveal itself. I think that sometimes people are fearful of silence or just listening for the sake of listening. Diving into a lake without being able to see what you might be diving into could prove deadly. Likewise, diving into a conversation without the foresight to see where the conversation is going or the wisdom to discern what the parties are saying could be dangerous. It’s important to have some sort of context, anyone who frequently visits a lake can tell you where the good fishing locations are, where your likely to sink your boat, or where you might get it stuck. By having context of those in your staff meetings or with those that you are having one-on-ones with you can map out the lake so to speak. Listening, and listening with intent is the key to accessing the past, present, and future to any discussion and to any person. I’ve seen enough or least heard enough to know that nothing is said without intent…and if it is said then the fool has absolutely no knowledge or wisdom whatsoever. As a leader though, isn’t important to listen and respond as quickly as possible. Don’t ever let a meeting get out of hand by letting two parties fight and go at. An ample amount of debate is always good…but any debate can go too far and for too long if it is not ended. Have you been watching any of the presidential debates? Each candidate, if not moderated could go on and on. Be smart, don’t have diarrhea of the mouth, and most importantly think before you speak. To let the conversation dictate whether your idea is good or bad…is a bad idea. You need to first think about what you’re about to say, and then based upon the context of the conversation determine whether you have a good or a bad idea.

Listen before you think and think before you speak.

How do you resolve problems with people?

2008-10-13T19:39:00.000-07:00

I’ve been reading The New Gold Standard by Dr. Joseph Michelli and there’s been several thought provoking concepts presented on service. However, the one that really got me thinking about my different work experiences, and somewhat communicated the heart of the book were the following points. Share a genuine and compassionate reaction to the person’s distress. When I read that, the first thought that I had was how often do I empathize and how often do I start off justifying or trying to explain why someone experienced what they did. When I wrongly read someone in distress, I find that rather than helping to solve the problem I make it worse. I’m reminded of a table I waited on. It was eleven people, or I should say approximately four adults and seven kids. With the purchase of every happy meal, the kids were supposed to get a free drink, milk or soda. However, when I approached the table and started asking for drinks the head of the table interrupted my service and said, “Just waters for everyone.” I asked him if he wanted waters for the children as well. He affirmed his statement and said, “Yes, waters for everyone.” I thought, alright that’s easy. Upon receiving the bill, he asked me where the children’s drinks were. I said to him, “Sir, when I greeted the table, you informed me that everyone was having water, including the children.” It turned into a game of I said he said, and to make a long story short, I got the children’s drink orders and brought them back, and might have gotten a better tip had I not have argued with the guest. Offer appropriate apologies. I’ve found that one of the best ways to apologize is not to simply say sorry or I apologize, but to repeat back to the person what you are sorry about and more importantly their feelings. By doing so you are affirming their current situation and their view. Which sometimes isn’t the most healthy of things to do for some people…but nonetheless helps out any situation by disarming the situation. When a person feels that you understand them, they feel safe with you and your ability to now help them in a situation. Assure the person you will take care of the issue. Once you do that make sure you take every measure to resolve the issue as well as to follow up with them to make sure that it has been resolved. Sometimes you have to repeat several steps before you get it right…but if you’re good…you’ll get it right the first time. Lastly, we sometimes think that an issue is resolved by simply talking about it and resolving it with a guest/customer/person. But it’s not resolved until we go one step further and turn that sorrow into joy. When a couple fights, isn’t the husband always in the wrong? Doesn’t he always then bring home chocolate, flowers, or take his wife out for a nice dinner after the conflict? Connect the dots! If we’re willing to go one step further for the relationships that matter the most to us…shouldn’t we do the same for the relationships that have possibility to potentially mean the most to us? When I was a waiter I was told that for every bad experience, a person will tell approximately seven people about that experience. But for every good experience, they will only tell two people…that’s exponential! P.S. Sorry it’s been a while…

Be a Lifelong Learner

2008-09-22T12:51:00.000-07:00

Every summer in between elementary school grades, my mother and sister, both of which are teachers, forced my brother and me to do math workbooks and check out books from the library to read. After a while, my brother and I had to be rewarded to do it because we learned how to work the system! Looking back on it now, I see that our summers were enriched by those workbooks and trips to the library. My mother and sister wanted the best from my brother and me, and so they pushed us to be better and to begin to desire to be better. I wasn’t so hot on the math end like my brother, but by the time I was in third grade I had a reading level three to four times above me, I loved reading. Education isn’t something you spend four or 12 years working on…or is it measured by the level of attainment. To me education has always been about a lifelong pursuit to better oneself. Education is about learning from your failures and not being afraid to tackle them. Education is also about knowing when to ask for help, or simply to say you do not know. Education is about growing in and learning how to use wisdom. One of the foremost proverbial thoughts on wisdom states the following, “a wise man who knows much speaks little but a fool who knows little says much.” One of the best books out there on the subject is the book of Proverbs found in the Old Testament. Be a lifelong learner. One of the tricks to do is to find several authors whom you enjoy reading, and read as many of their books as possible. Sometimes you just have to muddle through certain authors, especially in the novella or fiction genre. But everyone should read a classic. Now, don’t be afraid to drop a book. I used to just read a book all the way through even if it was terrible…but then someone told me I wasting the time that I had by not reading a good book. So don’t reach that glass ceiling because you can always grow and learn. I mean if my mother who is 71 years old can email and teach herself how to play Sudoku, then you too can be a lifelong learner!

Who Do You Know?

2008-09-14T14:42:00.000-07:00

Dress however isn’t the only thing that helps you grow socially. Sometimes it’s a matter of who you know and not what. Now, I absolutely hate when people are promoted just because they know the right people…and promote themselves to an individual based upon relationship, this causes numerous organizational problems and dysfunctions. Don’t believe me? Read Good to Great. Organizations often fail at getting the right people in the right seat and on the right bus all because they simply don't know their employees. However, I ask the question, who do you know, because I think that all too often people think that they are okay to go through life without getting to know people on a much deeper level. Ask yourself, do you still have friends that you talk to from High School? Are their people from past jobs that you keep in touch with? Do you have a relationship with people in your current working environment? Do you have friends outside of work? I ask these questions, because so many people can answer “no” to them. In elementary school, I had a friend that was taken out of school to be home-schooled. When he rejoined us either in 8th or 9th grade, he was socially behind the class. I’m not going to rant on my thoughts about kids that are homeschooled, but he just always seemed to struggle connecting with people his own age, especially in different social situations like dances and sports. You cannot just report to work and come home without having any social interaction. A leader must always be able to carry themselves well in any situation. Being well versed on numerous topics, and to know one’s role in a social situation is a must. Learn to read people and their body language. People are constantly communicating. Learn when it’s appropriate to joke, cry, and be honest. You may fail a few times, but soon you’ll know just how to be a friend in any situation. C.S. Lewis wrote in The Four Loves that, “Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: What! You too? I thought I was the only one.” Friends are so important for several reasons. The first is that if they are true friends, you can share or ask an opinion about everything because you have that bond. I can’t tell you what it means to me to have friends that can genuinely speak into my life, like family, they see my faults and yet they still love me and I in return love them. It’s these relationships that I cherish because we are able to go deep and we’re able to serve as mirrors for one another. Don’t abandon the people that you have gotten to know, just because of an occupation or lifestyle change. Keep in touch with people that you’ve genuinely had a connection with…you never who you might need to re-connect with or be in a situation to help later on in life. All relationships require some work, they are never a cake walk, but they will always be the most important to you as a leader. Without good true and deep friends, leadership will be extremely lonely, and you will always live in doubt, anxiety, and either arrogance or un-assuredness. Well, I have thus talked about looking good socially. Why relationships and friends are important socially. Up next a topic that I briefly mentioned which is know how to communicate socially. See you next week!

Social Responsibility - The Way You Look Tonight

2008-09-07T16:00:00.000-07:00

I’m going to take the next several weeks and go through a few things that I think every leader needs to attain some level of expertise. The first level of expertise is working on your social skills. Social skills are extremely important in every aspect of life, and I’ll thus be covering several social topics that I think are extremely important to everyone…not just leaders. The first aspect that I consider to be extremely important socially is how you dress. Now, I’ve helped several guys with some tips on what to wear and what not to wear. One even got married as a result of it. But I just want to give you some credibility on my fashion background which isn’t a mile deep nor a shallow pool. A friend of mine once told me, “Fashion sometimes isn’t comfortable.” Personally this is sometimes a daily battle for me. It’s easy in the ever dress code loosing workplace to choose comfortable clothes. However, your dress says so much about you as a person. When you dress appropriately, and by appropriately, I mean a notch above or at least some level of distinction between you and your co-workers, you’ll garnish a certain level respect. I once worked in an environment that had no-rules and oftentimes people would come in wearing sweats or look as though they just rolled out of bed. Prior to changing the rules, business attire was required, and work was much more precise…once the dress code was loosened, it seems as though work standards also loosened. I wonder if the same could be said for schools with or without dress codes.* While most fashion magazines would suggest having a wardrobe for every season, I would suggest having one for the fall and winter months and another for the spring and summer months. The two most important being winter and summer as they are the most polar opposite. As a general rule, fashion changes on Memorial and Labor Day to coincide with the changing of the seasons. Here are a few basics for guys and girls: Gentlemen: a nice black suit (the equivalent of the little black dress) along with two other suits; several dress shirts that can be worn with a tie or with a pair of jeans; a black and brown belt; a good array of sweaters and vests; a few polo’s; black dress, brown dress, white casual, sandals, and several pairs of casual not running shoes; black, grey, and different styled socks; accessories like a track jacket or hats; several pairs of jeans. Now, when I say jeans, I don’t mean Gap or Old Navy. Levis have made a major comeback, but I would highly suggest a pair of designer jeans. Ladies: I don’t know much, but let me just say, when you look nice, you turn heads. If you need further help, buy a few magazines that follow the seasonal changes and trends in fashion Vogue for girls and GQ for guys. Now that you know what you need, you probably need to know where to go. For each person that differs greatly, but if you don’t live in a major city, you may need to shop online or drive to an appropriate mall. The stores that I regularly frequent are Lucky Brand Jeans, Dr. Martens, and Dillard’s. These are the stores where I can usually find everything that I need. But you need to first determine which stores are best for you.

C’mon people…don’t get caught choosing comfort over looking good, because eventually your choice in dress will bleed over into other areas!

*I looked into this after publishing and found one source that said that there was no correlation between dress codes and grades. Unfortunately I could find no other sources to either prove or disprove my theory. Obviously there have been several articles published over the past few years about work places relaxing the dress code in order to comply with the demands of a generation but none could be found on the school or workplace correlation. Nonetheless...dress for success!

Living a Life that Matters

2008-09-01T17:30:00.000-07:00

I recently read a book by one of my favorite authors, Harold Kushner. The title of this blog is also the title of the book. Rabbi Kushner is a favorite author of mine and besides another book, his books have changed my life more than any other author. In this book, Living a Life that Matters, the focus is on the choice between conscience and success. After reading this, wouldn’t the choice of conscience, our internal sense that determines what is right between right and wrong win out over success every time? Ashamedly I can answer that question as no. Success is that evil temptress that is always trying to lure us away. Oh she wants you to think that the big house, the raise, the promotion, the expensive car, and that new iphone are all things that will identify you as successful, or better yet so that your friends give you a false sense of respect, security, and admiration. What about in you career? Do numbers tell the whole story? Or does success want you to bite off more than you chew just so that you look bigger than what you are? Success leaves you wanting more. She’s addictive because once you’ve taken a step down that path, you’ll always come back for more. Once you’ve accepted that additional responsibility at your job, or continue to schmooze your bosses, or walk on co-workers, it’s hard to choose conscience. Sure your actions might seem harmless…just go ahead and justify your way through it. But you’re just trying to be nice…right? If there is one thing that I have learned in life, is that no action is made without any purpose, or hope for an equal reaction…cause and purpose, purpose and cause.

But where does it all start? It starts with that one bad decision to choose success over conscience. If we just take the time to patiently way out opportunity and look at it from a state of conscience or success, we’ll determine whether our lives will be happy and fulfilled or shallow and lonely. Only you can determine when your choice reflects one of conscience or success…just don’t give in to the dark side.

Anger is Not Bad

2008-08-25T17:30:00.000-07:00

Everyone needs to make themselves acquainted with older movies in fact a good place to start is with the different American Film Institute (AFI) lists. They started with one in the late 90’s and have made additions and genre specific lists since the initial list, but nonetheless start there. One of the movies on the list is Network, a movie about a major network looking to boost its ratings. When one of the anchormen falls off of the deep end on-air, rather than canning him, they decide to give him his own show. People fall in love with him tuning in every week to see what he’ll say. At one point, the anchorman recites a phrase that most people know but probably can’t attribute the source. Of which he says, “I’m as mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore!” I’ve known a lot of leaders, and I can tell you that one similarity that they all possess is that usually they are extremely passionate. They can often times have extremely high highs and very low lows. But the truth is that they are not afraid to show a little emotion, and they understand what it means to be passionate about something. We try to be so politically correct these days, so much so that we just try not to be offensive to anyone for any reason. This is why I believe that anger is not bad. Now it’s also not that great either, some people have some serious issues regarding anger. Like anything in moderation anger can be used to convey feelings of disappointment, frustration, and to let people know that you need to be left alone. In some cases, anger can light fires for those that look to your leadership.

However on many occasions I have had to apologize, but in the moment, my frustration expressed as anger got the job done. So when you get angry follow this rule, “In your anger do not sin.” Sinning in anger can look like a low blow, bringing up an issue or a topic that causes shame for the other person. For some, sinning in anger can look like physical, emotional, or psychological abuse. But it’s good to occasionally stand up and say, “I’m as mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore!” Most emotions, like anger, are good and healthy when done in moderation.

THE DO’S AND DON’TS OF NAVIGATING ONLINE SOCIAL NETWORKING WEBSITES

2008-08-17T19:27:00.000-07:00

I thought that I would take a break from writing about leadership principles and since I haven’t been writing for a while as it was I thought I’d write about something that’s been intriguing me for the past few months. Social networking is nothing new…it’s been around for over a decade. Can you imagine writing about the Ford only a decade after its conception? Well that’s the feeling that’s going through my mind. But maybe back then a reporter was calling for a need for uniformity as more and more people were starting to drive…this is just that. If you use Facebook, MySpace or both…each are similar enough for me to formulate some do’s and don’ts about these social networking sites. First off, let me say that the following is a lighthearted poke at how great social networking is…and how it is abused. Whether you like it or not please take the following comments with a grain of salt. Do’s: 1. Do make friends with as many people as possible. You really have no choice in the matter. If you are like me and your posse is few than…beggars can’t be choosers. I know, I know, there may be that person that you might just barely know or may have just met…but who really cares just go ahead and add them. You’re a jerk if you deny or ignore someone and a friend if you do. 2. Do add applications and keep in touch with friends. Possibly one of the greatest tools of social networking is maintaining a personal webpage that let’s people know who you are, now friends with, what you are doing, and whether you’ve changed at all. Applications aide in this, merely for fun, or to let people know about your favorite books or movies, likes and dislikes. 3. Do update your status. It’s good to know when you’re dating someone, when you got engaged, and if you just broke up. That’s always good material. There’s really nothing worse than someone who occasionally checks it. C’mon people, you joined…just take the time to update everyone and keep in touch with your social network. Don’ts: 1. Don’t make your private issue a public one. One thing that I’ve noticed is that people are using social networking sites as a sort of PSA (public service announcement) system. The instances or the people that I am talking about tend to use these websites to make everything all about them. You know who you are. You’re the passive aggressive type that likes your status update to tell someone that you’re upset with them…rather than telling them in person. You’re the type that hungers for attention, so what do you do? You write notes or update your status to draw attention to yourself. I could really write a whole blog on this, especially from eight years worth of seeing this done. These are social networking sites. In social functions, do you tell everyone your business? No. So either use the private messaging system that both sites provide or keep your private issues private. 2. Don’t over do it on the applications. I’ve visited some Facebook pages that look as though Elmo has thrown up Fruity Pebbles all over the place. You also know who you are. If the number of Facebook applications exceeds the single digits…you have a problem. You either have no-one to love you and thus love yourself too much, or are simply trying to entertain yourself. 3. Don’t overuse or abuse social networking sites. Please don’t invite me to join your one-time group, or to join your cause. As much kudos as the media gives to Obama for using the internet to promote his cause, please don’t follow in his footsteps. If I haven’t already proclaimed my stance or concern for an issue, chances are you’re not going to motivate me to join yours. Sorry that’s just the way it is. Well, I hope you gained some insight into social networking. Again, it’s social for a reason. At a birthday party do you hand out political stickers? When you are in a public setting do you fart really loud drawing attention to yourself? Do you pick your nose and eat it at a restaurant? Rhetorically the answer is of course no. Remember that society has written and unwritten rules, it’s the structural glue that keeps the world spinning, so please stay within those guidelines, whether they’re mine or not, just have some sort of social responsibility to yourself and to your friends.

GO BIG or go home

2008-07-08T18:47:00.000-07:00

I wish there was a better word to define boss other than leader, employer, director, etc. Anyway, one of the phrases that my boss, David Perkins, says on occasion is, “Let’s just let the chips fall where they may.” I love that statement because it doesn’t make us worry about the current situation and it allows us to sit-back and watch events transpire rather than getting wounded in the fight.

There is however a similar phrase, that someone pointed out to me that I continuously act out. That phrase of course is, “Go big or go home.” Whether it’s getting the best seats for a concert, throwing a party, or the events and conferences that I do for work. I make sure that I go big or go home.

The sad thing is that when I look around me, so few others are willing to make big risks. Any financial advisor, compulsive gambler, or love doctor for that matter, will tell you that the bigger the risk the greater the gain. If you don’t risk anything you have nothing to gain.

So many of my comrades are going through life not making or taking any risks, it’s fine to occasionally play it safe. Though most of the people I see around me are either scared, lethargic, or un-motivated. They need a wake up call. They need to fall in love with something. They need a revolution. More importantly they need to put all of their chips on line.

I was recently reminded that for the most part, we win more battles than we lose. Obviously it is important to know when to risk it all and when to go home. But our generation needs more people that are willing to place all of their chips on the line, to live life to its fullest and to go big or go home.

When Fame Gets in the Way

2008-06-22T21:23:00.000-07:00

I recently watched an old episode of Star Trek Voyager called “Virtuoso.” Now I know that this implicates me as some type of Trekie, nerd, or a geek. However, I’m strong enough and secure enough to withstand any brazen comments that might come my way. Anyway in this episode the Doctor becomes famous and decides that he wants to pursue a different career path.

The Doctor suddenly finds fame as a Virtuoso. When asked to choose between his current life with dear friends and a new life as a star…the doctor decides to resign his current position as doctor to pursue something exciting and adventuresome. However, upon hearing this news the crew feels abandoned and hurt by the doctors decision. When he leaves, he finds that he has become obsolete and that a new star is born.

The saying, “Everyone has fifteen minutes of fame,” is always true. Fame and fortune can often times be a luring temptress. They ruin families, careers, and friends. Something or someone often suffers for the pursuit of success. I believe that the most success we’ll ever have is by being loyal to our current friends, family, and job. Once the time clock on fame has ended, there’s a sense of foolishness and abandonment. This was what happened to the Doctor.

When the Doctor lost his fame, he came back down from cloud nine and humbly returned to his life as a doctor…where he was the most successful. Now one of the themes was that the doctor felt unappreciated by the crew, which was why he pursued the new career. Sometimes medial tasks seem unappreciated and unnoticed, but in truth those are the crucial jobs. Feelings of being un-important are purely selfish…grow up and quit thinking that the world revolves around you.

Smelling the Roses

2008-06-15T18:23:00.000-07:00

There is something to be said about stopping to smell the roses. However, I know from personal experience that as leaders it is always hard to find that time, especially to stop. But life is fuller and richer when we do…if we don’t there can be terrible side-effects.

Once in a class I had a professor tell me that our first priority is to take care of ourselves. He was reminded of this by a recent airline flight. The stewardess got on the PA system and announced that in the event of an emergency and should the oxygen masks drop one needs to put their own mask on first before assisting others. How many times do we find ourselves helping people or even leading them when we haven’t first taken care of ourselves?

Our sanctity is like a gas tank, it can’t go anywhere unless it’s filled up. For some, stopping to smell the roses means enjoying a meal at a favorite restaurant, reading, exercising, watching TV, spending time with friends, or playing games. But we must remember to fill that tank, because running on empty only get’s us so far.

I don’t think that I need to mention the side-effects…but will do so anyway, purely for joy. This in-exhaustive list includes, but is not limited to: anger; short-temperedness; poor sleep; anxiety; mood swings…need I say more…take care of yourself first before leading others.

The Art of Losing / Succeeding – Part 2

2008-06-08T21:39:00.000-07:00

I concluded my last post with, “There is an art to losing…the art comes in losing the battle, not near the final lap of the race.” Thus continuing on, I’d love to further my discussion about losing. There are several factors involved, and while none of us ever like to lose, it is an inevitability that someday we will all lose to someone else.

In high school, I ran for VP of my class three years in a row (I was treasurer, my freshmen year). The first year I lost by one vote, the next year by two votes, and third year by three votes. Every year I found myself frustrated not knowing what else to do. When we lose, especially after trying so hard, no-one ever envies the winner, even for that matter despises them. But leaders wage the battle internally with statements like, “Did I practice enough…say the right things…network enough times…lose my focus…start too late?”

This is what losing is all about…the internal struggle. How you respond as a leader will determine whether you can turn your loss into a win. Losing is an art form, the smile, the withheld tears, the hug, and lingering long enough for the photo shoot. But there’s more to losing than in winning: the gain, the challenge, and the window.

The Gain. I’ve had numerous conversations with different elderly and very successful sages. A harmonious response that they all sound off about is that they’ve gained more from losing, than they have from winning. Sometimes winning is easy but when things fail that’s when the education is gained about the experience. An evaluation takes place, a new battle plan created, a new goal is set, and the victory is savored because of the loss…a win after a loss means much more than an initial win.

The Challenge. When we fail and fall flat on our faces, it is extremely hard to pick ourselves up, brush the dust off, and finish the race. However a leader will always finish at the finish line, and never before. There is no respect or honor for those that give-up and quit. Thus the challenge is whether or not we will allow the loss to control us, or whether we will control the loss. How many times have people become engulfed in a loss…never able to recover, and always waging the battle against someone or something besides themselves?

The Window. I have often times found that after each loss a window of opportunity is presented. Even though I lost three times, after each loss I was able to enjoy a win. My sophomore year, I became my school’s HOBY delegate. My junior year, because of my loss, I was able to run for and beat a senior for the Student Body Secretarial position. Finally, in my senior year, even though I lost my class election, I ran un-opposed for the Student Body Presidential position. I was never able to run again for my class VP, but because I gained so much from each loss, I would never hope to change them. What we learn from losing far outweighs what we can gain from winning. I hope Mrs. Clinton will gain as much as I did from my losses, making her loss a work of art.

The Art of Losing / Succeeding – Part 1

2008-06-01T22:12:00.000-07:00

Every four years, America, or those Americans that wish to actually pay attention to what is happening around them, undoubtedly find themselves immersed in Election news whether they want to or not. I’ve enjoyed watching this year’s presidential run, but I’ve been a little disappointed, unsurprisingly, by how the political game has played out. Although my guess is that none of the candidates will ever read this, maybe you will get something out of it.

In the past few months and weeks, I’ve been greatly disappointed with how numerous political advisors have said that Hillary should resign without really saying so. They all say, “I think that when the time comes she’ll do what’s best for the party.” I’ve seen the numbers, and after the Democratic Committee’s decision on Florida and Michigan, a total of 2,118 delegates are needed. Obama has 2,071 and Clinton has 1,915.5, with 200 super-delegates up for grabs. I’m no mathematician but Hillary’s not out and not by a long shot.

Her claim about the media’s drooling sensation over Obama is valid. I checked our her claims and noticed that since 2007, between Time and Newsweek, the ratio of Obama to Hillary Covers is 9 to 5 (I included Obama’s wife as well). Essentially that’s almost 2 to 1. I’ll be honest, at the risk of being outcast by some of my friends. When it comes to whom I will vote for, well that has yet to be foreseen. Between Obama and McCain, McCain is the clear choice…between Clinton and McCain, my choice becomes fuzzier.

I’m disappointed in the democrats…and more so in Obama for ignoring the present fight by trying to fake his win and focus on a future fight with McCain. I believe that the Democratic Party, including Obama, has a fear of loosing, and more importantly a fear of a good fight amongst themselves. The bi-partisan mud slinging contest has yet to begin, but why won’t Obama fight Hillary for the win? Why doesn’t he want to savor the flavor and victory of the win? Has he never experienced a great win?

Obama needs to focus on the present challenge and fight Hillary. If he expects to beat McCain, he needs to be a man and fight his battles, not run away from them. Hillary, keep up the fight, the battle’s not over. As far as I’m concerned, like the Biblical Job, you are surrounded by a bunch of friends that want you to admit that it’s time for you to give up. Now is the time for you to dig deep and show your teeth. There is an art to loosing, and I’ll talk about that in the next post, but the art comes in loosing the battle, not near the final lap of the race.

Standing Tall...

2008-05-18T11:20:00.000-07:00

One of the most famous portrait paintings in the White House is that of former president John F. Kennedy Jr. As you can see, it captures him not only standing tall, but with his head downcast. In thinking about some of my past leadership experiences I reflected on the obscurity of the leadership principle of standing tall.

There were numerous times that I never wanted to lead…I wanted to hide away in some cave and pull-back from those that I led as hard as I could. It’s hard to lead in tough times, and I’ve had my fair share, of which I don’t need to take the time to elaborate on. However the following markers helped me through those situations.

Purpose. So many times, when I understand my purpose to a cause, I understand that I am needed. Without purpose, we can easily checkout or think that our role as a leader is un-appreciated or not needed. Thus purpose should be the driving force for any leader in any given situation.

Faith. While we need purpose to drive us, we need something to believe in. Purpose only gets us so far, and if purpose is the right hand…faith is the left hand. Without a purpose or a cause to believe in, we can find ourselves disillusioned. The two literally go hand in hand as we have to believe in what we are doing.

Perseverance. Every great leader has usually had to overcome something in their life that could have inhibited them from ever leading. They persevered, no matter the physical, mental, or spiritual disabler, they persevered through adversity. While we can have a purpose and faith…we ultimately have to make the choice to lead.

As leaders, it’s important sometimes to ask ourselves, where we are in each of these three areas. Ask yourself…do you have purpose? Do you have faith? Can I persevere? We have to lead sometimes even when we don’t feel like it…that is what being a leader means.

Recognition

2008-05-12T09:41:00.000-07:00

We can fail in life and as leaders but if we can succeed in one area and only one…then let it be recognition. How you appreciate those that you lead, greatly determines how successful you are. The more appreciation you show, the more success that you will achieve…and vice versa. Recognition however takes on many different forms. The simple thank you. Taking the time to pause, look someone in the eyes and genuinely tell them how much you appreciate them will do wonders. I can’t tell you how many times a thank you has saved me whenever I found myself in a tight squeeze and needed help. Appreciate people with a thank you on a regular basis. Look to the hills…not to the stars. Recognize the fact that the people who have been serving for years on end are often times the best options for promotion. When you are constantly filling roles from the outside and not filling them from within you push some of the most adapt, competent, and knowledgeable people out. So oftentimes as leaders we think that we need to bring in people…yet we ignore that there already are people in. Rewards. Whether it be Starbucks, an afternoon run for ice cream, or a piece of paper. I have found that I can squelch any quarrel by simply bringing food to the table. If actions speak louder than words than rewarding people with a trinket or food, only allows people to love you for it. I’ve found that either Starbucks or an ice-cream cake works best. Recognize people. One of the areas that I have constantly had to grow in is remembering people’s names and acknowledging the fact that I remembered their name. Nothing means more to a person than when their leader recognizes their face and puts a name to that face. It can mean the world to someone, as they identify who they are to their name. Recognize the fact that you need to recognize…hold up that mirror!

Chose your battle to win or your hill to die on

2008-05-08T11:11:00.000-07:00

Of recent, I have been burdened by a number of changes in my life, quite similar to how the colonists felt when England kept taxing them, or like the Southern states worried that my way of life was about to change. Everyone around me is being tested, and it’s fascinating to watch their responses. I myself have on numerous occasions looked into the mirror and wondered if I am responding like a leader. Some have been pushed to their tipping point while others have acted with continued restraint. I though have found myself on the white picket fence and it’s starting to chafe…do I chose to be revolutionary or be a conformist? Reflecting on the Revolutionary and the Civil War, I’ve been thinking a lot about those that were revolutionary and those that were conformist. In each war, the different factions were asked to choose a side…remain loyal or become revolutionary. Throughout our lives we seem to be continually asked this question, and at times it can be a very haunting one at that. There is something romantic and desirable about being revolutionary. I wrote on change a few weeks ago and how to respond and initiate it. But to lead change is every leader’s desire…dream the impossible dream, right every wrong, damn the man, and bring about world peace. It’s so appetizing. On the other hand to be loyal, is extremely noble. I have seen people respond simply out of frustration and ignorance. They’ve looked like fools, humbled for reacting in a rash manner. Those that remained loyal though and stood the tide were treated like they were heroes. Leaders love loyalty, because it means that they are trusted. Ultimately we must consider our options at great length and chose the battle to win or the hill to die on. The winning side determines whether someone will be revolutionary or a traitor like Benedict Arnold. In the Revolutionary War, the revolutionaries won. They revolted against England for their freedom. In the Civil War, the union held on to the reigns. The South, in trying to revolt was destroyed and laid to waste. The choice is ours to make, is it time to be revolutionary or to conform with the union. Viva la revolución!

Over Communication

2008-05-04T09:19:00.000-07:00

About a week ago, I was sitting on a plane ready to leave, when the captain came on over the intercom system. It had been raining fairly hard, and I assumed that he was coming on to inform us that we would have to wait on the tarmac until the rain started to let up. However when the captain came on, he did nothing of the sort and in fact did the exact opposite of what I had anticipated. I was reminded of several key communication concepts. The first was that, rather than leaving the passengers in the dark, he came on and introduced himself as well as talked about the current situation. Rather than letting those who can be discomforted by flying start to have their fears escalate by the current situation. He came on to explain what was happening. As the leader, he told the passengers what was going to happen before it happened. Thus when we hit turbulence, which was fairly often, he had put our fears to rest because we knew, anticipated, and expected it. However we would have been unable to do any of those things had the captain not initially informed us and continually let us know when we were about to hit a section of turbulence, how long it was going to last and what he was going to do about it. By over informing the passengers, and by continuing to control the communication, the captain guaranteed a successful flight. People were relaxed and he continued to keep control of the situation through his communication. Thus the lesson learned is that we must tell people 1) what’s going to happen before it happens; 2) remain in the captains chair by controlling information; 3) and sometimes in rough times, the more you communicate, the better.

Sandpaper - Part Two

2008-04-27T12:03:00.000-07:00

In the previous blog, I dialoged about change from the perspective of someone leading that change. But what about when you find yourself on the receiving end of change? When you are the wood, being molded, and sculpted to work in a new environment? This all comes back to the choice that you must make. Each type of wood has a different type of hardness, which means that some wood is easy to change, and others almost resist being changed. I’ve worked with both, and from my preference as a carpenter, I would say that I love working with wood that’s found neither to be too soft nor too hard. If you’ve ever worked with pine, you know that it is extremely easy to mold and shape. It requires very little work. As a leader and a woodworker, I am always displeased with pine, if I sand to hard, I can damage the wood, and then I have to throw it away to start over. It scratches and dents easily, it’s the type of wood that no-one really appreciates because it is either easily wounded or unable to withstand change. Working with maple on the other hand is extremely hard. While with pine you have to be extremely careful to make sure that it doesn’t get damaged, maple is intensively resilient to any change. It constantly fights being sanded or having its corners softened, you can’t work with it, which is why it makes such a great cutting board! But oak is a wonderful wood. While it is neither too soft nor too hard, it’s great to work with fighting and giving at the same time. If it is damaged, it’s easily repaired, it conforms to change. Which begs the question…which wood are you? Are you like pine, easily damaged and useless to the woodworker? Or are you like maple, resisting and fighting change to the end? Or are you like oak, not easily damaged and not resisting the woodworkers design?

Sandpaper - Part One

2008-03-30T16:33:00.000-07:00

As a leader initiating change can often times be one of the most problematic and least popular things to do. Change can be either be easy or hard, and often times it’s the latter. Change is often times associated with something new and it requires a lot from both leaders and followers. Let’s receive a lesson on sandpaper from our favorite carpenter. First off, when sanding something or initiating change, one often times has to start with a tougher grade of sandpaper to shape the wood. In the same respect we need to start strong, giving the future some shape, and communicating the change and the reason. Then after that, a medium grade sandpaper is used to continue to shape and smooth out the wood. In this step, the leader should continue with changes but nothing as drastic or as big as the first initial changes. This allows other leaders and followers to adjust and buy into all of the changes. By easing the change it allows the people sometime to breathe while still keeping them on their toes. Finally a third type of sand paper is used to make the wood as smooth as possible. As a leader, this means that we allow the new changes to really sink in, and become a part of everyday culture. Not going back to a large grain of sandpaper to roughen the wood up and create a disturbance but to now freely walk in the new culture and procedures. Lastly a finish is applied to the wood to signify completion…the same should happen when we make changes. Whatever we have left after the sanding process, we must finalize it. Or go back to using a different grade of sandpaper to make adjustments. At some point though we need to complete the changes otherwise we will become stuck in a rut and never move on.

Tough Love

2008-02-24T16:35:00.001-08:00

A few weeks ago, I realized that I needed to motivate some people, and I had to think of the fastest and best way to do this. Thinking of what motivated me, but knowing that all methods of motivation do not necessarily work for everyone, I find myself drawn to the solution of tough love. There has to be a substantial amount of relation deposits before, you can tell someone I love you, you’re perfect—now change! Tough love, like anything is a fine dance that involves two interactive parts. The first is toughness, that is to say…to be hard. It’s not easy being hard on someone and encouraging them to better themselves. When you tell someone they need to improve in an area, you can never guarantee their response to your toughness. Someone will either chose to respond in fear, anger, trust, or understanding. Love is never easy it is perhaps the hardest and toughest thing in life…but to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. However, opening the door to this conversation is the toughest part, the tough part becomes much easier. But what about that four letter word…love? There can be hard times and hard conversations, but like Paul writes if we do anything for any other reason other than love than we shall fail. Having the right motive, to help improve someone, is love in its purest form. Love is all about seeing the diamond in the rough, and shining a light into someone’s life to see how much that diamond will sparkle.

Bridging the Gap

2008-02-17T22:10:00.000-08:00

I woke up to two things when I started the day today. The first was snow. The second was a Sunday Morning expose on the card game of Bridge. I only caught the piece half way through, but was surprised and delighted by the content of this weekly news journal of which I look forward to every Sunday. The piece keyed in on two very important people that are playing Bridge: Bill and Warren. Both Bill Gates and Warren Buffett are avid bridge players. Warren plays twelve hours a week. Bill Gates said that Bridge was the only game that computers have not been able to master. The two of them have donated a million a piece to have it taught in schools. I had to call my mom and tell her, that a television show was featuring her favorite game. I was taught to play bridge when I was in the first grade. It was during a layover on our way to New York in the cabin of an airplane. This was when kids could still get a our of the cockpit, which did…I may still have the wings to prove it! While my dad gave my brother and me an introductory course on how to play bridge, it would forever stick with us. Bridge, like most card games are excellent tools for teaching people how to operate in social environments. Bridge requires that you have a partner and that you work together to win…it requires social skills and teamwork. Like all card games, it requires the person to know the odds, calculate the risk, and count the cards…it requires math. Lastly it requires that one have some mad skills. Bridge is a great game, and it’s exciting even if it is only played by people over 50. I’ve been waiting for the right opportunity to introduce this game to my friends, and maybe now I have the opportunity to bridge the gap.

The Death of a Soldier

2008-01-31T09:46:00.000-08:00

While the war on terror has been happening half-way around the world, I’ve been cozily sipping my grande 2 pump vanilla, 2 pump Almond, no water chai following the political battle here at home. Late last night I caught the news that Monday, a soldier that I knew died in combat. I knew Sergeant James Craig, he and I were the same age. We met in late 2004 / early 2005 when he joined our small group. James was a simple man that loved his motorcycle and the Lord. He had the innocence of continually falling in love with God on a daily basis. His light shined so brightly, that there was no-one around him that wasn’t affected by it. This is truth; this isn’t me remembering the best of him. This was the first time I tasted the bitterness of war, it had always seemed so distant and I had felt largely disconnected from the whole thing. I would here the reports on Television and think nothing of them…they were just numbers and statistics. But today, I here the reports and think that was someone’s son, that was someone’s husband, someone’s dad, someone’s brother, they meant something to someone. In America, the death of the soldier often times goes quietly and softly like a small gust of wind stiffening an American flag to attention. It’s barely noticeable, only lasts but for a moment, and is instantaneously gone. When a soldier dies in combat, their life was given for freedom, a concept that some of us don’t fully comprehend. Freedom comes at a price, often times death…but death is pursued by life. Jesus gave His life so that we might have freedom the cost of which was His death. A life may be freely given, but there is always a cost. Freedom is the concept of the mythical phoenix, in order for re-birth it first must die; the old must perish in order for the new to emerge. The death of James, was the cost of freedom in Iraq, it came at the cost of his life, it came too soon, but it came nonetheless. How much is a life worth? What type of a ransom would the Founding Father’s have given for freedom? What type of a ransom did God give for freedom? The answer is the sacrifice of a life. It is the only ransom that can be given to obtain freedom. There is no other route, no safe passage, no candy cane lane. The death of a soldier is the ransom given for freedom, at home or half a world away. Freedom is bittersweet as sacrifice can only be.

Instant Gratification

2008-01-24T19:58:00.000-08:00

Via different avenues, God has been speaking a lot to me about this. So as my blood pressure and heart rate went up while watching Deal or No Deal I saw for the first time a 2008 Hyundai Sonata commercial that I had seen multiple times.

I couldn’t believe that an auto company would be telling people that they live in a world in which they can get or change anything they want to at anytime. It just seemed so contradictory to me, this the world in which you live…but go stimulate the economy and buy a new car from us! As leaders though, instant gratification can devastate any project, program, or person. Hey kids today’s letter of the alphabet is “P”…sorry I couldn’t help myself.

Moving right along, what is the opposite of instant gratification? Frankly it is one simple word…preplanning (and a bunch of kids cheered for “P”). By not preplanning or taking the time to think through all of the details of something we are frankly setting ourselves up for failure.

For me it’s been eating out. As a single guy it’s very easy, convenient and time-saving to just pick something up on the way home. But it’s much cheaper to take the time to cook one. This is just one example. The very nature of being a leader is that we are essentially project managers, and I’ve seen people lead projects well, and others poorly.

The difference is the time, energy, thought, and coordination that one places on completing the project. Because of their actions they are thus guaranteeing their success. Whereas where others have failed is through instant gratification, they consider a Band-Aid to be a great fix to an axe-wound. It reminds me of my old Jr. High Band teacher. Right above his podium, was a plaque that said, “A lack of planning on your part, does not necessitate an emergency for me.”

The gift of a day

2008-01-16T17:30:00.001-08:00

A couple of weeks back, I rented a movie entitled, “The Ultimate Gift.” When it was recommended to me, I was skeptical. It sounded too cheesy and too corny to waste my time on. Well as I was perusing the aisles at Blockbuster I spotted it and because they were fairly wiped out at the time, I decided to give it try.

There were a lot of different gifts, however, the one for which this blog is entitled is the gift of a day. Today was a snow day for me, I’ve gotten better about using my days wisely, except on occasion when I do decide to waste a day. I did a couple of odd things, watched a movie, worked, went out to lunch, picked up my room, and cleaned the kitchen cabinets.

At the end of this gift of a day, I sat down and thought about what I would do with future snow days. One of the first thoughts that came to my mind was that I’ve got to get rid of my satellite service. I always say that there are too many books and so little time, but the truth is that I’ve got the time; it’s just that I want to be numbed not invigorated.

Another thought came into my mind as well when I began to process about the gift of a day. If I was given one day, to spend with whomever I wanted too, who would it be? Choosing one person is very hard. Would it be loved ones lost all those years ago…or someone I haven’t seen in awhile? Rather than debate about who it would be, like a hamster spinning a wheel in a cage, I decided that I would just enjoy the rest of this day.

Every day is a gift, whether it’s a work day, a Sabbath day, or a free day. I forgot what the gift of a day meant to me. I remembered all too well, that in order to enjoy the freedom of a free day, sometimes the pain and joy of remembrance must kick in.

Leaders and Managers…they are different...right?

2008-01-11T18:59:00.000-08:00

I taught a class today on leadership and management. Always the ever assuming leader, I was taken aback by the fact that most of the students felt as though I was a manager. When I asked a few other co-workers, they felt the same way! Today’s experience reminded me of my first physical. I blindly walked in and did what the doctor said dropped, turned, and coughed. I left the classroom confused; just like when I left the physical…did that just happen? I was devastated. I walked away thinking that I had become everything that I had strived not to be. A task-oriented, resourcing, people using manager. I couldn’t believe it. I thought to myself that I had become everything that I hated. It was extremely hard for me bear. All I could think about was that the culmination of my life thus far to be a leader had been an utter failure. But didn’t all of those years in high school and college developing as a leader account for something? I tried to find some justification or meaning to my life as a leader. Was I a leader or was I a manager? I do lead people by motivation not out of necessity don’t I? As I tried to think about how I could redeem myself the only thing that kept beating itself against my brain was the fact that…why couldn’t it be both/and not either/or? This conclusion was the closest shot that I could come to redemption. Have I been given the gift of leadership and administration? I hated the duality of it all, but maybe just maybe this was the answer. I remembered that as leaders, we often time picture ourselves as bigger or larger than life. That every choice we make does make a difference and effects the lives of those around us...they do, but maybe not as much as we’d like to believe. However, I’ll just have to learn to walk with a little more humility…I hate physicals.

A Miserable Job

2008-01-06T13:58:00.000-08:00

I just finished reading (I wrote this on 12/27, but had a couple more posts prior to this one) Lencioni’s new book The Three Signs of a Miserable Job. I must say that the entire time I was reading it, I felt guilty about it. Not wishing anyone to see me reading it or have anyone think that I was miserable at my own job and was looking for a way out. I read it in private for this reason because I didn’t want to explain that it was actually for people in management and leadership, because I know that if I saw someone I knew reading a book by that title I would suspect that something was up too.

All fears and secrecy aside, it was extremely upbeat and positive. In fact I received it for Christmas and finished it in about 4 hours. I couldn’t put it down, it read like a Michael Crichton novel, and I believe that this is by far Lencioni’s best book to date. He was able to perfectly scribe where I was failing as a leader. I was on the verge of figuring it out, but hadn’t yet been able to pinpoint an exact idea surrounding my current situation. But the Business leadership/management guru, Lencioni, did.

I’m not going to spoil one’s personal pleasure of reading the book, experiencing those “Ah-hah!” moments. But I’ll just say that you walk away with three main ideas, and some very hard and poignant questions. One thing that I noticed about those questions was that Lencioni phrased the questions without any of them starting with “why.” This past fall I was given a book entitled QBQ or The Question Behind the Question. The book premised that most people asked the wrong questions instead of the right ones. I would say that most people that have a victim mentality ask the wrong questions, starting with the three consonants of…w…h…y (sometimes a vowel).

I must admit that I have a crumb of a tolerance level for anyone with a victim mindset. Internally focused they sometimes end up like a vacuum, sucking up and storing all the wrongs and injustices, until the bag on the vacuum blows up. Anyone finding themselves in the wake of that explosion finds themselves battered in petty grievances. While the vacuum, finally being cleaned out, seems to finally be able to breathe returning to sucking up every wrong.
Posing a lot of ideas, I’ll try to wrap it up as best as possible. As leaders, we need to find out which areas we not succeeding in, and attack that problem. As a Christian I would also add that in attacking it, we should use everything in our toolbox including fasting, prayer, and seeking out wisdom. We must ask all the right questions in order to find the right answers. If we ask the wrong questions we will indefinitely end up at the wrong solutions. In making changes we cannot expect anyone else to change until we change. When we change, we can see others making changes. Lastly don’t judge a book by it’s cover or the person reading that book.

The Closing of the Year

2008-01-01T20:55:00.000-08:00

One of my favorite and most unknown songs of the holiday season is The Closing of the Year, which I first heard while watching the movie “Toys.” As I reflect on this past year, I find some pleasing satisfaction in this song. The lyrics are a good reminder about what Christmas and New Year are all about. Frankly this past year, has been a long year of never-ending immense growing and stretching for me. In reflection, there were times when I was in the bowels of despair, followed by complete humility, a sense of arriving, always salted with keep moving forward.

But the thing that has kept me moving forward is music. Without it, I know I would have found myself down and out, sitting under a bush like Jonah, focused only on my displeasure and not the good that came out of a situation. The following is a comprehensive list of the most impacting situations and the good that came from them…this isn’t a tell-all spill my guts list, but an honest list. If you read this I don’t want you to see a fabrication like a painted picture but an actual snapshot of this past year:

Problem – Senior pastor commits adultery, publicly lies about it, and is dismissed
Outcome – People came to Christ, freedom came to a staff, and the truth sets a man free
Song – Here in Your Presence off of the My Savior Lives album

Problem – Portion of the congregation distrusts staff or wonders if they can trust staff
Outcome – A newly composed staff is thrust into the spotlight, running a tighter ship, taking on more responsibilities and learning to say “no” a previously foreign concept
Song – Storm by Lifehouse

Problem – Interim Senior Pastor doesn’t get “The job”
Outcome – A church gets a new Senior Pastor in addition to retaining their Worship Pastor, church moves forward, and a man whom everyone thought couldn’t get any humbler does
Song – Unfortunately I can’t remember (read next paragraph)

Problem – Upon returning to the U.S. from a missions trip to Madagascar, and then the next day flying to Alabama I found out that I had a herniated disc! After different pain medications, a steroid epidural, my surgery getting pushed back a month because my surgeon had a boating accident, I have the herniated portion of the disc removed
Outcome – I learned how important family and friends really are
Song – O, For A Thousand Tongues To Sing by David Crowder Band

Problem – Troubled young man takes out vendetta at my church
Outcome – A shared experience knits a newly married family together…I’m not talking about the Works family, but the new New Life Church family
Song – Overcome by Jon Egan

For me, 2007 will be marked by these memories, and even now those songs conjure up the memories, emotions, and growth that I experienced. However, at the closing of the year, I reflect on that list and find myself drawn to the outcomes more than the problems. To me all of the outcomes were positive ones even if they sometimes came at a cost to a family. As the song, The Closing of the Year, suggests, “If I cannot bring you comfort then at least I bring you hope for nothing is more precious than the time we have and so we all must learn from small misfortune count the blessings that are real let the bells ring out for Christmas at the closing of the year.” As I ring in the New Year, I hope 2008 will be one of cheer, not one filled with comfort. After this year of small misfortunes, I really have learned to count my blessings. I’ve realized that comfortable is a place that I will never find myself…I want to keep moving forward with cheer.

20-somethings Psalms - part 2

2007-12-29T13:58:00.000-08:00

What has intrigued me the most over the last year is my numbness to shock and awe. It’s that 1 Peter 3:14-18 writing to not be surprised by surprises. As Christians we are to patiently wait it out…never becoming too enthralled with the storm but looking for the miracle, the rainbow that comes after. Psalm 27, shares this same attitude. There seems to be a dichotomy throughout the entirety of this Psalm, “When besieged, I’m calm as a baby. When all hell breaks loose, I’m collected and cool.” (The Message) The Psalmist is writing not only how we are to respond, but because we are Christ like, we must mirror Him. Thus God would also respond to surprises by basically not being surprised at all. Following this passage, a desperate plea is made to grasp a hold of God’s mercy and attention, which described my sentiments. I’ve been cool and calm, doing everything right, just like Job …so hear my cry…if I’ve been mislead, point me in the right direction. But after the desperate pleading, the Psalmist pulls himself out of the storm to see the big picture, a picture of hope. The last few verses close in the following manner, “I’m sure now I’ll see God’s goodness in the exuberant earth. Stay with God! Take heart. Don’t quit. I’ll say it again: Stay with God.” It was these two verses that spoke volumes to me. I received many comments on my first post, all were about how dark it was, and some expressed concerns for my wellbeing. Well, I stand guilty as charged. I was in a horribly dark place, and even though Winston Churchill stated all those years ago, “When you’re at the end of your rope tie a knot and hold on,” I was ready to let go of the knot that I had tied. But other than listening to a sermon, watching The Grinch Who Stole Christmas, and contemplating about my current situation, it was Psalm 27 that gave me hope. Just like the Psalmist, I too began to see God’s goodness, and it was all around me but I had blinded myself from seeing the truth. In closing out the year, I am left with, “Stay with God! Take heart. Don’t quit.” And I ask myself can it really be that simple? Yes.

20-something Psalms - part 1

2007-12-18T19:12:00.000-08:00

While most people seem to constantly be drawn to Psalm 23, which is one that I’m constantly drawn too…more often than not, I find myself stuck in the other odd numbered Psalms of 25 and 27.

In the Message, for which I’m inclined, Psalm 25 reads like something I have uttered on many an occasion, “Forget that I sowed wild oats; Mark me with your sign of love. Plan only the best for me, God!” Like the Psalmist, I find myself asking God to forget the wild oats that I sowed because I can’t ever seem to forget them. Like a bad dream, they constantly seem to haunt me. In case any of you are wondering I have forgiven myself, but there still remains a residue, like the root of a wild oat.

Who of us have no regrets, as leaders it always seems easy to move onto the task, or tomorrow’s appointments. However, in leading people, one of the things that I will always regret is the mistakes I’ve made with followers. The one that I regret the most occurred about eight years ago, when I had the best of intentions, but worded a letter in such a way that it hurt the recipient. This residue remains today, and I constantly find myself searching for ways to right this wrong.

I find myself discipling more and more, realizing that I can only rid myself of these wild oats by constantly being at harvest: sifting through the good and the bad, watering the field, and being vigilant about looking for any other wild oats that might crop up. It’s the effect of learning from our mistakes, we make vows about what we will not do, or who we will not become. “If I keep my eyes on God, I won’t trip over my own feet.” These ideas are best learned in our 20-somethings in the 20-something Psalms…up next Psalm 27.

You gotta have friends

2007-12-14T12:09:00.001-08:00

About a month ago, my mom begged me to take her to see “Into the Wild,” for which I was willing to comply as I too wanted to see the movie. I left with one thought about the movie that seemed to really strike a chord. The quote was written by Christopher McCandless the young man whose life was the basis for the movie. He wrote in a book that, “Happiness is only real when shared.” I left with a multitude of thoughts based on this one sentence, but I only wish to discuss one of those thoughts.

One of the immediate thoughts that I had in meditating on Christopher’s quote was that we were designed to be with and around other people. There is no substitution that a computer or an online video game can bring to people who lack physical interaction with other peers. It’s what everyone around me calls community. Relationships with one another builds a community in which written and un-written rules are created. These rules are what govern us as a society. We all have to learn to share the ball and not hog it all to ourselves.

Even though I saw this about a month ago, in writing this blog today I could not turn away from the current circumstances at New Life Church. In reading some of the online posts by Matthew Murray, one of the things that stuck out to me was how lonely he was. Even to the point of trying to find what I define as “cold relationships” over the internet after failed attempts at “hot relationships.” By cold and hot, I am basically referring to the interaction and the number of senses used, a hot relationship would be time spent with physical people socially, while a cold relationship would be something where there is no physicality to the relationship. Matthew blamed his rearing for all of his problems, the homeschooling, the rejections from groups (including non-Christian), and the lack of any real relationship outside of his home.

I’ve seen some of the problems that Matthew talked about in reality from children whom have been homeschooled. In no way do I wish to discount homeschoolers or homeschoolees. However, Matthew’s claims against the homeschooling process seem to be the norm rather than the exception. Most children seem to come out of or are homeschooled because of an already existent social ineptness. With the best of intentions the homeschooling process seems to lack social interaction with other students...which is where the exceptions occur. Those students that have social interaction with peers are always the exception to the norm and their success is usually found within extra-curricular activities that other students participate in.

So you gotta have friends. We were meant to walk this Earth with others. Seclusion and division are the driving points for lawlessness. Thoughts and ideas start to creep into the minds of individuals. They no longer function or contribute to society, and continue to dive deeper into seclusion. What I realized from “Into the Wild” and the recent shooting at New Life is that people, no matter how hard they complain about being accepted need friends. I’ve realized how much I appreciate the people that I have close to me…people that I laugh with, cry with, do nothing with, and talk with. I’ve realized that happiness can’t be found in food, clothes, cars, status, or things, but that is only found, as Christopher said, when it’s shared.

My Response...

2007-12-10T08:39:00.000-08:00

In every aspect of the world in which we live there truly is a response to every cause. We learned this in elementary as the cause and effect theory, for which there is an equal and opposite action for every action in the universe. Our entire life is based upon triumphs and losses. It even carries over in to our next lives, remember the story of Lazarus? However even though our lives seem to constantly teeter between highs and lows, the teetering of our lives are centered on the fulcrum of God being a just God. All too often we forget that sometimes just because God is on our side that He is not a just God. We remember that God punishes the wicked and blesses the righteous…but what about God causing the sun to rise and set on the righteous and un-righteous? It’s as though C.S. Lewis himself saw to it that he reflected upon this in his book The Lion the witch and the wardrobe, when the beaver was asked whether Aslan was safe, he responded that Aslan wasn’t safe, but was good. God being a just God is His way of responding. When we pray for things, God will answer that prayer, sometimes immediately but often times that prayer isn’t answered until some date in the future. What also needs to be considered is that God doesn’t always say yes. However, no matter the answer or the manner in how the answer comes…God responds. God responds in perfect grace and justice, He never makes a bad or a poor decision. There are many causes good and bad that effect our lives, but God is always looking for a response. I am a native Coloradoan, born in 1981 and I have remained here ever since. I lost my father in 1996. I was a junior in High School when the Columbine Shootings occurred. I watched the second plane hit the World Trade Center in my college geology class. I worked at New Life Church when Ted Haggard was dismissed for sexual immorality. I was on my way to a Christmas party when I heard about the shootings at New Life Church. To be honest, I have not felt as crippled and as crushed as I do now. We just voted in a new senior pastor and I felt as though after a year of being on my knees that we were going to start walking again. I feel violated…someone raped me of my hope this Christmas. As Christians, we celebrate Christmas because of its hope, but I don’t feel like celebrating Christmas because this year a Grinch stole Christmas. I’m not mad, not bitter, not angry, not wanting justice. If anything I realize that someone’s heart was two sizes too small. That’s what I find myself grieving about, this Grinch, had no hope at all. So what is my response? As I search my feelings and what I know to be true, the only thing that I am left with is my faith. Like Aslan not being safe, faith for me isn’t necessarily my safe place, but it is a good place. Out of everything I’ve been through beginning with my Dad’s death, I’ve learned that when I’m crippled, on my knees and stripped of every comfort…having faith, even though sometimes it doesn't seem safe, is where I want to be.